millions and millions chase the wild goose tonight

[headandhand]

WHO: Goosehunters of Dualis
WHAT: Goosehunt 2k19
WHERE: All over the city
WHEN: Dec. 15-29
WARNINGS: Please use these if applicable!

Congrats, citizens! You have been selected to fulfill a new civic duty, one that will restore peace and protect your fellow citizens from the feathered menace known as The Unnamed Goose (as various media outlets have begun referring to this goose on the loose). Those of you who have been selected will be escorted by Iterations to Dualis PD HQ, given a briefing on your new mission, and assigned a partner and equipment to aid you in tracking down and capturing this dastardly bird. Armed with a hook, net, and straightjacket, you and your partner will work a schedule of four-hour shifts over the next two weeks in which you will search the city for the elusive goose and make your most valiant efforts at subduing the culprit and bringing the walking honk factory back to DPD to be dealt with.

May the odds be ever in your favor, you brave warriors for justice!

Comments

Goose Escalation - Closed to Kyoko

[sociallychallenged]

Stage One goose infestation is in full swing. There's a fruit stand left in shambles because the goose stole a single bolt. There's someone wearing glasses that makes him look like a mole-man who keeps taking them off and staring at them and putting them back on. They look like they might not be his exactly. There's a bra on a public statue of a doctor caring for a child, draped over the poor bronze kids head. There's a traffic jam and two men arguing outside of their vehicles about accidents that probably weren't their fault.

Hank walks in on a trainwreck and there it is, in the center of it all? A horrific demon. A creature of monumental stature, white and bold. It turns its head and looks at him one way, then the other, because god is so unkind it had to deprive a terrestrial creature of binocular vision and instead supply it with a finely honed pinching torture device. The animal spreads its impressive wings, looming with the all the power in its presence.

HOOOONK!!!

It stampedes at a child decked out in its warm cozy finery, and Hank sprints like he's about to rescue it from an oncoming truck. The crook and tools are abandoned so he can scoop up a four-year old already starting to tear up as impending doom approaches him. The small child is hefted up, placed on his shoulders, thwarting the goose's advance.

[wishalone]

Kyoko went along with the summons willingly. She thought about fighting, don't get her wrong; the moment she realized she was being approached, her ring finger carrying her soul gem twitched, grew hot, like it was a normal metal ring that had been sitting too close to a fire for too long.

But — No. They're not here to drag her off to wherever the hell they take people, to do to her whatever it is they do to them. She's being hired.

Kind of.

She'd really better get fucking paid for this, one way or another.

Honestly, one of those ways might just be in sheer entertainment value. This is some of the funniest shit she's seen in a long time. Seriously, that bra on the statue? The mole-man? Priceless. She's gotta say, this stupid goose has a great sense of humor.

Kyoko watches her assigned partner (a cop, she's been paired off with a cop, what has her life come to?) book it for the bird's next target, some brat who happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. She doesn't budge a muscle herself. He looks like he's got it covered. She stays where she is, standing on the sidewalk with one hand on her hip, idly chewing on a pretzel stick.

"Nice save," she comments, eyebrows quirking up. There's an audible but in her tone, but she doesn't follow through for a beat. "Now what?"

Now the goose is standing there honking at Hank in irritation. She wonders how long it'll take for it to decide to go for his ankles.

[sociallychallenged]

Damn goose. It spreads its feathered death-glides and looks like it wants to advance on Hank. And, honestly, there's a half a chance he would succeed if Hank weren't possessed with a righteous, bird-hating fury in that moment.

"Just get the net and throw over him! He's still at the moment."

And the goose, as if it understands Hank, looks directly at Kyoko. Then it flees like a bastard animal would, but not off in any chasable direction, no. Somehow it loops into a small storm drain, vanishing into it with the ease of a Stephen King horror.

Hank crouches to look inside, kid making delighted noises still on his shoulders and making no effort to get away. She even screeches happily and holds up its hands! Hooray! She's having the best time, guys. He finally puts her down and ushers her back to her mom. Shoo, child, this is not a safe place.

Then from behind Kyoko?

HOOOOOOOOONK

Wings are flapped against her legs, and just as Hank's about to whirl to stop that? The goose, again with enviable accuracy, steals his fucking taser before he can stand all the way up.

"It's armed!!"

Luckily the goose does not carry it long, as the goose is not equipped with the knowledge of how to use a taser and if it did they would surely all suffer. But there is a horrifying three seconds before Hank startles it into dropping it in which there is the possibility it might.

[wishalone]

"Well, I would," Kyoko drawls after the goose disappears, and continues to not budge a muscle.

She definitely budges a whole bunch of them when she suddenly finds herself under attack. "Whoa!" She jerks to the side with far more speed and agility a teenager should have. But, surprisingly, it has nothing to do with her being a magical girl, and everything to do with a normal person's motivation to get away from a horrible goose.

Lucky for her, it turns out she was just the distraction. The true target...

Kyoko quickly scoops down and snatches up the taser before the creature can double back for it.

"What a nuisance." She lightly tosses the taser in the air, catching it each time. "What kind of bird can plan ahead like this? Are we really sure it's a normal -- "

HONK

"Hey! Shut up!"

[sociallychallenged]

"That's implying any goose is normal. I've never met a normal one."

But, yeah, he's thinking this monster may be a little more abnormal than usual. This goose is already planning its next move, waddling over to a stand with a tarp and pulling the string holding the tarp in place. It falls on the diners who have been watching; they panic, and the goose vanishes under the tarp, making some sort of getaway.

"Fuck this..." Hank says, not even moving. "Give me my taser. I'm gonna go get my dog to track the thing."

Because it is *fucking wiley*.

"They could have actually brought in people trained to deal with birds."

Technically anyone who has ridden a chocobo can deal with birds. He's just not really aware of that and honestly needs to bitch.

[wishalone]

"But then they wouldn't have gotten to boss us around," she snarks, tossing the taser to him and then linking her fingers behind her head. Probably not the smartest comment to make to somebody working for 'them', but no one ever accused Kyoko of watching who she says things to.

"Do whatever you want. I'm hungry. I think I'm gonna grab a pizza. You want me to get one for you, too?"

[sociallychallenged]

"Yeah, go ahead. I like the meat and extra cheese. I'll pay you back. Be back in ten."

He waves loosely as he walks off. He's grumpy the whole way back, and when he gets Maggie he's just as pissy all the way back. He returns with a lithe Doberman, long-legged, high-stepping.

His haggard face is just set to pissy. And, honestly? He'll be surprised to still find her there. He wouldn't blame her at all for fucking off.