millions and millions chase the wild goose tonight

[headandhand]

WHO: Goosehunters of Dualis
WHAT: Goosehunt 2k19
WHERE: All over the city
WHEN: Dec. 15-29
WARNINGS: Please use these if applicable!

Congrats, citizens! You have been selected to fulfill a new civic duty, one that will restore peace and protect your fellow citizens from the feathered menace known as The Unnamed Goose (as various media outlets have begun referring to this goose on the loose). Those of you who have been selected will be escorted by Iterations to Dualis PD HQ, given a briefing on your new mission, and assigned a partner and equipment to aid you in tracking down and capturing this dastardly bird. Armed with a hook, net, and straightjacket, you and your partner will work a schedule of four-hour shifts over the next two weeks in which you will search the city for the elusive goose and make your most valiant efforts at subduing the culprit and bringing the walking honk factory back to DPD to be dealt with.

May the odds be ever in your favor, you brave warriors for justice!

Comments

[fuckregularpeople]

The goose was unimportant to Jane. She hadn't paid attention to the announcement yesterday except to briefly think how stupid an excuse it was to go to threat level red over a bird. Of course that's what this fucked-up excuse for a city called attention to. Like nothing else was wrong.

So fuck that. She ignores it and goes about her day, in line for a mocha when an Iteration informed her that her presence was needed. She'd refused, voices were raised, Hammerhead threw a punch and Jane never got her mocha. She doesn't even get the briefing, delivered unconscious and deposited into an empty chair.

She comes to near the end of the meeting, bolting upright and glaring around the room. "Did they just fucking arrest me?" she demands, rising to her feet. "What the fuck for, you shitflaps?"

[scathefires]

“If they’d arrested you,” Jason intones, dryly, from a couple chairs to Jane’s side, “you’d be in a holding cell. Maybe an interrogation room, chained to the table.” He sits lazily, arms folded across his chest, booted feet propped up on another chair in front of him, a perfect frowning picture of resentment at being here.

He doesn’t care about the goose either, but he’s had his fill of being electroshocked and hauled off for at least another few months, so when the Iterations came to collect him, he went quietly this time. Mostly. Which, it appears, was not the case with Jane.

Jason turns his head to face Jane. “Lemme guess - you told the robocops to go to hell, they gave you the 50,000-volt special, now you’re here anyway with a bonus wicked headache. Sound about right?”

[fuckregularpeople]

"Yeah? You know we're not in one?" Jane turns to Jason, more than done with this shit for today and ready to lash out. "What are you, the expert fuckup criminal here?"

Prior to this incident Jane's been felled by an admin but never an Iteration. It is exponentially worse, which has her in an even fouler mood than usual. "Oh," she quips, arms crossed over her chest, "I guess you are." And she looks impressed, her original insult now turned on its head. "These things fucked you over before? Wait. Are you the guy who got arrested at the ball?" She wasn't there, but Karen had provided a full nauseating play-by-play.

[scathefires]

Jason gives her snarky grin and a shrug, his answer of yes to her question. Between the two of them, he's had more instances of fucking up where Iterations are concerned, and he was a criminal long before his side quests through the multiverse started. So she's not wrong about that.

"Technically, the word 'arrest' was never brought up," he says, "but yeah, I'm the guy who got hauled outta that creepy as hell party at the mansion. Got me on my very first day here, too. Park got bombed and a guy walking around all bloody apparently hit their suspect buttons." He rolls his eyes and drops his feet down off the chair, then stands up to lazily approach Jane.

"I'm Jason. Your partner."

[fuckregularpeople]

"Huh," she says.

That's it for a second. Just that vocalization and a scrutinizing look, arms crossed over her chest in her too-big sweater. Then she shrugs, seeming to shake off any hesitation. "Cool. Come on then, partner."

She retrieves her equipment, not saying anything of note until they're out of the building. Once they are, her outline blurs and her look changes a little -- her eye makeup seems smeared, her posture shifts, and a winged black linework tattoo appears on her collarbone. "Hey, asswipe, pass that shit over," Hammerhead commands, voice gruffer and lower than Jane's. She gestures for Jason's goose-hunting equipment, clearly already done with this bullshit.

[scathefires]

Jane's transformation to Hammerhead is a subtle one, if you don't know what you're seeing. For a moment, Jason thinks maybe she just looks different outside of the police station's harsh fluorescent lighting. Maybe she's seen something up ahead that he hasn't yet, and that's why she's demanding his equipment. The change in demeanor gives him reason to pause for a second, but he still hands her the pole and net he's carrying with a quizzical expression.

"Everything OK here?" he asks, voice low to keep from spooking anything that might be nearby, like the errant goose.

[fuckregularpeople]

She takes the pole with a skeptical look and holds both in one hand. "Yeah, dumbass. Why are you whispering?" The goose is the last thing on Hammerhead's mind -- it's a fucking bird. She snaps both the poles in half and shoves them into the nearest trash can.

"There. Now your watch has ended."

[scathefires]

"Jane, what the hell?" If there's no bird nearby and Hammerhead's not actually on the prowl for the goose, there's no reason for Jason to continue keeping his voice down. "Look, I don't wanna be here any more than you do, but that's not gonna stop the robocops from coming after us." He points to the trashcan, then rakes a hand through his unruly mop of hair, frowning. "You can't really think we're gonna get out of this crap this easily."

Not that Jason's keen to jump through these stupid hoops - there are just smarter ways to go about giving The Man the finger.

harry du bois & tidus

[blitzcheer]

In the past few days, the terror of the goose had become the hottest news story all over the internet, which Tidus had scrolled lazily past in the instances he checked it, aiming to chip away at the day. Okay, it was kind of dumb. And funny. And absolutely ridiculous, but there was no reason to pay more than ten seconds max reading anything to do with it. What did it have to do with him? It sounded fake. It looked fake.

Okay, Dualis. Whatever.

Despite this, there was no real reason to suspect that a goose had any reason for Iterations showing up on his doorstep, so include him in the list of people to freak out at the occasion than to come completely willingly. He's still one of the few to be half-with it at the meeting, but when already sporting a headache from the night before, it doesn't make any difference. Tidus stares at the equipment once he's handed his, mistaking the folded up material for something more...sensible(?), until he sees another person spread theirs out into a mini goose-jacket.

This has to be a joke.

With a pounding in his head and the gift of lethargy in his system from a late night out of bad mistakes, Tidus doesn't give him assigned partner more than an initial glance from inside his pulled up hoodie before turning away, in a hurry to get out of the station and into the street once it was good to go.

But he doesn't rush off once they're out. He stands scuffing his shoe restlessly against the pavement as he considers just dumping everything in his fist into the trash and leaving, or seeing how easy it would break. One or the other.

He's rattled. He's nervous. Sighing when he gives the older man another look and then darting his gaze elsewhere. His jaw acts when he speaks, his tone sour.

"Are we seriously going to look for a bird?"

He knows they probably should. Doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice to pretend they have an option.

SOFT JOCK SQUAD

[hobocop]

Harry is the type of guy to order his to-do list by date, rather than importance. As far as he's concerned, everything has a little to do with everything, and no tangent is ever really a bad tangent. That said, even he found himself sat through that debriefing looking like a stunned-fox. The whole thing was played completely straight, and what's more, he's pretty sure a number of the people slumped in the various chairs around him had been unconscious for half the speech. That includes the kid now stood in front of him.

Also, not to be a huge fucking spoil-sport or anything, but did the call to arms really have to happen on his day off? It couldn't have come, say, yesterday, when he was doing a talk about giraffes in front of a group of kids, and all he could actually recall about them as a species was that they had, quote: long-ass tongues?

He taps out a cigarette from the crumpled packet in his jogging-pants, and sets it on his bottom lip, all the while watching Tidus trying to scuff his way through the pavement.

EMPATHY — Be gentle. This isn't just teenage angst — he's less than okay right now.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY — You can say that again, brother. Look at that squint! Either they fried him up real good or he's nursing a hangover even worse than yours right now.

"Nope," he growls brightly. "We're gonna find a bird!" And with that, he seems to be offering the equipment he's personally holding out to Tidus. "Doesn't meant we gotta find it right away though. Here, hold this a sec'."

[blitzcheer]

Sounds like someone found his pair of enthusiasm pants to wear to the police station that morning. If only if this was any other day--the jolly man persona could be better appreciated.

For now, Tidus raises a slow brow to the offered equipment, confused before suspicious or put off. But he takes it before he actually questions it, which comes at the tail end of the act. “What for?”

Because surely he doesn’t need both hands to find his lighter, if that was the reason--though the thought doesn’t even occur to Tidus straight away.

[hobocop]

AUTHORITY — Because you said so.

"Because I'm old," he replies, rather more placidly. With that, he sets a hand on his left shoulder and begins rotating it gingerly. There's just a hint of a wince by the third roll, and then he's shaking out the whole arm. The wound there may have finally sealed up, but Ruud's bullet has left both a lasting ache and a neat little hole in his patrol cloak. He really needs to sew that up sometime.

"If you were a goose, where'd you hide?"

He performs a few final stretches (gotta get those legs limbered up, too) before digging into his other pocket for the lighter. It takes more than one attempt for the spark to take, sure, but trust him, Tidus: the smoking will help him think.

[blitzcheer]

So want to drop all this crap on the ground.

Which is far more tempting than when it was just his junk, and Tidus watches the man with an uncertainty of if he was putting on an act, despite if he had the gut to give his reason credit. Frowning, questioning his ability to get through the rest of the day. At least the daylight wasn't so bright here, the building opposite the PD shadowing them from behind.

“I dunno? I don’t know goose,” comes his tired reply. He doesn't know goose so hard that he doesn’t know the word is geese. Was it all in the briefing? He wasn't listening at that part. “The thing goes and does whatever it wants. Wherever goose are supposed to hide, it’s sure not helping these guys find it.”

[hobocop]

Really wearing your disinterest on your sleeve, huh, kid?

Harry frowns from behind the little trail of smoke he sighs out. Kim might have called him juvie, but that doesn't mean he relishes being partnered with someone who's currently 90% hoodie. He's gotta try harder, here: he's a master of the post-hard-night blues, and this here baby bird is a mere student. And Harry's clearly not quite so ruined that he can't hold his own things.

He shoves the lighter back into his pocket and holds his hand out again, offering to take his own shit back. It's a start, right?

"You want a coffee? A pair of sunglasses, maybe?"

[blitzcheer]

Tidus doesn’t shove the stuff back, but he happier to give it, some of the weight of his expression loosening, but not completely. He was already annoyed before the guy came along, and standing around makes him itchy, though he’s given up on kicking the cement work for the time being.

But if there’s an implication in his suggestions, Tidus’s misses it; appears for a fraction of a second to want to dismiss them, but the sour pull of his mouth loosens further.

“Yeah, I want coffee,” he agrees. Does he want food? The thought crinkles his nose briefly, and he looks in both directions available to them. Looks back in the direction of his partner, if not keen to meet his eye much. “You ever been down here? I don’t know anything around this way.”

Granted, that became the city every other day. But there’d been little reason for Tidus to ever come to the police station before. Even when there was, time away from the big city made him forget that police were an option for missing people cases. Still, he asks it somewhat more amicably than his tone has been, if no less stiff and awkward.

[hobocop]

Harry hums noncommittally. "I'm still getting my bearings." That's a no, boss. "I been here, what, a week, maybe? I figure the goose ain't mapped the place out, either, so we may as well just..." The short thrust of that prickly chin of his turns the cigarette into something approximating an arrow. He's gesturing over to their right.

Not waiting for a response, he hucks the bundle in his arms to sit higher on his shoulder, and begins limping forward. He's oddly quick though. It's like if it wasn't for the limp, you know he'd be setting off on an uncomfortably blistering pace.

Briefly (oh so briefly) he turns his head just enough to attempt eye contact again. "It's Harry, by the way."

Hank and Kyoko and OTA

[sociallychallenged]

Geese, Why did have to be geese? - OTA (anyone at the police station)

[sociallychallenged]

Seems like they could be closing in on that dealer, and so far Hank's feeling relatively satisfied with case progress. Not with what happened to Connor, that's for damn sure. He's been sitting irritably on that. Not since Collins got called out for his shit and escorted out. He is a bad enough person that he's not too upset that the guy is probably gonna lose a fuckin' memory or two. Hank's a man of a generous heart, but sometimes, sometimes he wants to see the worst happen to a shitty person. He's only human.

As he's stirring his coffee, staring at the officer's former usual chair, the heavy plod of iteration feet come toward him.

There's a hard, cold moment where he worries that they know that he knows. That it's time. His replacement is coming, and this is going to be his last moments and Connor's not even going to know until the worst possible time. He won't get a real goodbye. He'll rat out all those poor kids that just need a damn place to live the rest of their lives-

"We're here to serve you with goose duty."

"...Fucking what???"

He's given instructions on what office to go to, and he's left holding the most confusing summons he's ever held in his hand. So he scarfs his coffee in a very ill-advised way, nigh on blistering the roof of his mouth in his rush and makes his way down to the assigned office like a dead man walking.

There's a moment when he's in there shouting over the desk, "Why are you doing this to me?" that he's startled into a sense of deja vu. That's enough time for him to get saddled with the worst job he could have ever been given. And in a few minutes he's out in the hall sliding on his heavy pea coat. "Sure, let's send me on an actual literal fucking goose chase. Fucking goddamn cocksucking shit."

Off to pick up his fucking wierd-ass crook! Woopty fucking doo.

Goose Escalation - Closed to Kyoko

[sociallychallenged]

Stage One goose infestation is in full swing. There's a fruit stand left in shambles because the goose stole a single bolt. There's someone wearing glasses that makes him look like a mole-man who keeps taking them off and staring at them and putting them back on. They look like they might not be his exactly. There's a bra on a public statue of a doctor caring for a child, draped over the poor bronze kids head. There's a traffic jam and two men arguing outside of their vehicles about accidents that probably weren't their fault.

Hank walks in on a trainwreck and there it is, in the center of it all? A horrific demon. A creature of monumental stature, white and bold. It turns its head and looks at him one way, then the other, because god is so unkind it had to deprive a terrestrial creature of binocular vision and instead supply it with a finely honed pinching torture device. The animal spreads its impressive wings, looming with the all the power in its presence.

HOOOONK!!!

It stampedes at a child decked out in its warm cozy finery, and Hank sprints like he's about to rescue it from an oncoming truck. The crook and tools are abandoned so he can scoop up a four-year old already starting to tear up as impending doom approaches him. The small child is hefted up, placed on his shoulders, thwarting the goose's advance.

[wishalone]

Kyoko went along with the summons willingly. She thought about fighting, don't get her wrong; the moment she realized she was being approached, her ring finger carrying her soul gem twitched, grew hot, like it was a normal metal ring that had been sitting too close to a fire for too long.

But — No. They're not here to drag her off to wherever the hell they take people, to do to her whatever it is they do to them. She's being hired.

Kind of.

She'd really better get fucking paid for this, one way or another.

Honestly, one of those ways might just be in sheer entertainment value. This is some of the funniest shit she's seen in a long time. Seriously, that bra on the statue? The mole-man? Priceless. She's gotta say, this stupid goose has a great sense of humor.

Kyoko watches her assigned partner (a cop, she's been paired off with a cop, what has her life come to?) book it for the bird's next target, some brat who happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. She doesn't budge a muscle herself. He looks like he's got it covered. She stays where she is, standing on the sidewalk with one hand on her hip, idly chewing on a pretzel stick.

"Nice save," she comments, eyebrows quirking up. There's an audible but in her tone, but she doesn't follow through for a beat. "Now what?"

Now the goose is standing there honking at Hank in irritation. She wonders how long it'll take for it to decide to go for his ankles.

[sociallychallenged]

Damn goose. It spreads its feathered death-glides and looks like it wants to advance on Hank. And, honestly, there's a half a chance he would succeed if Hank weren't possessed with a righteous, bird-hating fury in that moment.

"Just get the net and throw over him! He's still at the moment."

And the goose, as if it understands Hank, looks directly at Kyoko. Then it flees like a bastard animal would, but not off in any chasable direction, no. Somehow it loops into a small storm drain, vanishing into it with the ease of a Stephen King horror.

Hank crouches to look inside, kid making delighted noises still on his shoulders and making no effort to get away. She even screeches happily and holds up its hands! Hooray! She's having the best time, guys. He finally puts her down and ushers her back to her mom. Shoo, child, this is not a safe place.

Then from behind Kyoko?

HOOOOOOOOONK

Wings are flapped against her legs, and just as Hank's about to whirl to stop that? The goose, again with enviable accuracy, steals his fucking taser before he can stand all the way up.

"It's armed!!"

Luckily the goose does not carry it long, as the goose is not equipped with the knowledge of how to use a taser and if it did they would surely all suffer. But there is a horrifying three seconds before Hank startles it into dropping it in which there is the possibility it might.

[wishalone]

"Well, I would," Kyoko drawls after the goose disappears, and continues to not budge a muscle.

She definitely budges a whole bunch of them when she suddenly finds herself under attack. "Whoa!" She jerks to the side with far more speed and agility a teenager should have. But, surprisingly, it has nothing to do with her being a magical girl, and everything to do with a normal person's motivation to get away from a horrible goose.

Lucky for her, it turns out she was just the distraction. The true target...

Kyoko quickly scoops down and snatches up the taser before the creature can double back for it.

"What a nuisance." She lightly tosses the taser in the air, catching it each time. "What kind of bird can plan ahead like this? Are we really sure it's a normal -- "

HONK

"Hey! Shut up!"

[sociallychallenged]

"That's implying any goose is normal. I've never met a normal one."

But, yeah, he's thinking this monster may be a little more abnormal than usual. This goose is already planning its next move, waddling over to a stand with a tarp and pulling the string holding the tarp in place. It falls on the diners who have been watching; they panic, and the goose vanishes under the tarp, making some sort of getaway.

"Fuck this..." Hank says, not even moving. "Give me my taser. I'm gonna go get my dog to track the thing."

Because it is *fucking wiley*.

"They could have actually brought in people trained to deal with birds."

Technically anyone who has ridden a chocobo can deal with birds. He's just not really aware of that and honestly needs to bitch.

[wishalone]

"But then they wouldn't have gotten to boss us around," she snarks, tossing the taser to him and then linking her fingers behind her head. Probably not the smartest comment to make to somebody working for 'them', but no one ever accused Kyoko of watching who she says things to.

"Do whatever you want. I'm hungry. I think I'm gonna grab a pizza. You want me to get one for you, too?"

Finn and South

[punchpunchkisskiss]

Finn stands on a bench, one foot up on the seat back, looking through a pair of tape-repaired binoculars at the park around them. Geese are forest animals, he thinks, so this is the natural place from which to begin their hunt.

"No sign of the target," he informs his partner as he slips the binoculars back into his backpack. The hook was a little too big, but the net and straightjacket fit in there nicely.

"He's sneaky alright... but he can't hide forever."