Grace Is Gone

[skyward_eyes]

WHO: Nida Nomura, Some Closed Starters, Otherwise OTA
WHAT: Drinking with Wanda, Missing Persons Announcement, Dangerous habits
WHERE: Wanda's Room, Roof of Dorms
WHEN: August 1st - 7th
WARNINGS: Drinking, Grieving, Possible mentions of death and self-harm.


One Drink To Remember - Closed to Wanda

When he wakes up, bed mostly cold, arms empty, no noise from familiar breathing, his heart aches. This hadn't happened yet, not to someone he knew. Not so far as he knew. Because it definitely hadn't been a year. Not even close. Not even...

Within an hour he's gone to the store and come back, and is knocking on another door in the dorm. Pounding really. He's got a nice tall bottle of vodka, grief in his heart, and someone that needs to know before anyone else. Especially since he couldn't find their information on the network anymore.




Then Another To Forget - OTA

This isn't what he's supposed to do. He knows that. It's not healthy, it's not smart, and it's definitely not what he should be doing, but hey, who needs good life choices? In this case the choice manifests in the form of a young man lying on the edge of the building, a bottle of vodka near at hand, claimed every few minutes for a swig as he stares up at the sky above him.

Is this a risky place to be, especially tipsy? Hell yes. Does Nida care? No. But he does flinch when the door to the roof opens? Yes. Is that possibly bad? Yes.

"Close the door," he'll call, his voice a bit uneven. "You're letting the warm out."

Which he thinks is pretty funny, leaving him chuckling.




Network Post - Audio Only

[Definitely Nida's voice, but also very clearly slurred just enough to imply someone has been drinking. Probably more than he should. Which is any at all.]

For those who would care? Billy Kaplan and Tommy Shepherd are gone.

Filtered to Seifer

Yes, I know. You're disappointed and I shouldn't be drinking. Whatever. Can I borrow Eos for a few nights?


[OOC: Nida is going to be in a bad emotional state, and mostly walking through life a bit broken. He's cool to have custom starters for anyone, just directly message me, hit me on plurk churbooseanon or discord (Churby#4290). I can have something ready rather easily.]

Comments

[skyward_eyes]

[Because the drunk brain makes terrible connections?]

Because I'm good for that. Climbing things and hitting things. That's what I am. Shouldn't try and be more, right? Someday I'll go home, and if I'm alive, that's all I'll be. Climbing and hitting.

[firacrux]

[Ah, yes. Of course. Finally, eventually, he reaches the roof. It doesn't take him too much longer to find his drunken brother to go sit next to.]

You're more than that, Nida. I know you don't believe it now but you've believed it before. This isn't the end of the world.

[In the end, Nida knew Billy was going home without him didn't he? In a way this just... ripped off the bandage sooner.]

[skyward_eyes]

[Oh, there's a Seifer now. Nida puts his phone down and rolls off of the edge and onto the roof proper, so he can hold his hands out toward Eos. Or Seifer. He doesn't care, he just needs someone or something to hold.]

It is for me.

[They were supposed to go home together. Nida was going to live with him in New York. They were going to be together somewhere. Billy, who saved him from himself. Billy who he loved. Billy who...]

He went back without me. Where he's going to make up with his boyfriend. His real boyfriend. I saw it. In someone's memories. I didn't think...

[He didn't think it would be now. He didn't think it would be like this. He didn't... He just hurt so bad.]

[firacrux]

No it isn't.

[He gets a Seifer, although he turns the tables because after he puts down Dog he's going to scoop Nida up to squeeze him against his chest instead. Nida can hug Eos.]

So there wasn't really any stopping it after all...

[Seifer had hoped that they'd be able to go together like they wanted. That Billy would remember these places once he was back. Were they all doomed to forget?]

I'm sorry.

[There's not much more he can offer.]

[skyward_eyes]

[This is good. This is a hug and Nida sinks into it. And despite how he hates the show of weakness, he presses his face against Seifer's shirt and doesn't hold back the tears of frustrated weakness. The pain. The agony.]

I-I was gonna ask him. Get him a ring. And ask him to just be mine while he still could be. Was gonna go out this morning.

[He'd been saving since he got here. He'd been scrimping and saving for this. And now? Now he's more alone than he was before he came to this place. Because he's lost both of the men he loved, and for what?]

I don't even... Someday they'll make us go home. I don't even know if I'm alive.

[firacrux]

[Seifer would never hold it against him. Contrary to what they've been taught, emotions are a part of them. He'll just hug Nida tight and let him cry it out as long as he needs.]

Shit...

[Would another 'I'm sorry' be excessive? Probably? He'll just hug Nida tighter, talk about timing. Though perhaps it would have been more cruel to take him immediately after exchanging promises. Saying this right now probably wouldn't help matters.]

...I know. I'm scared too. Don't wanna go back.

[What if they forget all of this? He didn't want to lose everything that they'd gained from the village.]

[skyward_eyes]

[At least Seifer is, arguably, alive back home. Nida... doesn't know. He doesn't know anything anymore. He knows he has Seifer and Jason. That's it. The only things he has. And now he knows he has to go back. He has to go home. To forget the only good in his life in the form of his brothers and the man he had...]

What choice do we have?

[Fatalistic, yeah, that's just the situation he's in now. He has no choice but to go home. He has no option for peace. He has no chance to do anything, but be forced to walk through day after day here, with what to keep him moving?]

There's nothing left for me at Garden. There won't be you, there won't be Jason. There won't be anything but SeeD Nomura. I hate him.

[firacrux]

[Probably. He can only hope that Nida is as well, even if they have no proof at this time. Nida does still have his brothers. They're still there to try to help him through this. All they can do is hope that when they get home they haven't forgotten everything.]

Not going back?

[It's dumb. They could stay there. Maybe? Eh, it'd be awful.]

If we do keep our memories, somehow. Come find me. You won't have to be him anymore.

[They'll set off away from Garden.]

[skyward_eyes]

[Nida isn't even going to dignify that with a response. Billy hadn't wanted to go home, unless he'd been lying to Nida. And they didn't do that. So he won't answer that suggestion. Just hold Seifer tighter. Because he doesn't get to keep this either, does he? They don't get anything good.]

I don't even know where you are.

[firacrux]

[And yet officer Karen said she chose to stay, so maybe sometimes allowances were made. It's not completely out the window, Seifer thinks. Then again who knows what criteria the Head chooses to keep people around if they want.

Come on, they should sit, and let the crocdog curl up with them too. He's good at making everything better.]

If I remember I'll make sure you find out.

[skyward_eyes]

[Sit? Nope? Nida's here now. Seifer hugging him is too important. Moving even for Eos seems like the worst plan ever.]

Behemothshit. Because if you did, you would have. And you haven't. So you don't.

[Stupid worlds with predestination and time loops.]

[firacrux]

[No? Okay. Stand and hug it is.]

Maybe I don't remember yet.

[He doesn't know what time frame all this happens in. Or if they've made weird time offshoots now and they're trying to catch up. Who knows? It doesn't make sense. Hyne, if only they could go somewhere else.]

[skyward_eyes]

[Eventually he'll sit. Maybe. Right now he hurts too much.]

Don't lie to me. Don't offer hope that doesn't exist.

[firacrux]

[It isn't really a lie, but it might be false hope. So he just nods and shuts up. Doesn't know what to say, maybe there isn't anything he can say. But he can be there for Nida anyway.]

[skyward_eyes]

[At last Nida let’s himself go heavy in Seifer’s arms, clearly indicating he needs to sit.]

I... I’m tired of the worlds taking away everything I love. My parents, Lijah, Billy, Jason.

[One of those came back. One.]

How long before I lose you too?

[firacrux]

[Oh good, now Seifer moves to carefully settle them down on the most convenient looking surface. Or just on the floor where they can lean back against something. Whatever works. Eos will be happy to join them once they're closer to the ground.]

I know.

[Trust him he hates it too. That last question's harder.]

Wouldn't help to lie and say it'll never happen, can't always control that. Just know long as I can I'll fight to stay. Alright?

[He doesn't want to leave Nida, the universe just likes to kick everyone in the teeth.]

[skyward_eyes]

You’re stubborn enough to win.

[Nida settles against his brother. Then pulls away just enough to pick up Eos and put the crocdog in his lap. Helps to have something to hold.]

I am so fucking done with the universe or magic or people or whatever that is doing this to us.

[firacrux]

Heh, I'd like to think so.

[He sure won't give up until he has no other option left. And even then he'll probably keep fighting about it. It's just how he is. Eos is perfectly happy to be hugged.]

Preachin' to the choir. This shit needs to end.

[skyward_eyes]

[Slowly Nida closes his eyes, trying to take comfort in Seifer's proximity.]

Does... this mean I have to go home now? I have no where else to go when the year is up. And this place... I don't believe the Head.

[firacrux]

...

[He doesn't know. There are no answers here.]

Where else can we go?

[The plan was to go with Billy, but if they can't do that... what else are they going to do? Seifer doesn't much like the idea of returning, not at all, but he's not about to leave Nida behind.]

[skyward_eyes]

[He doesn't want to stay. And maybe he wants to forget the happiness he had with Billy. But forgetting Seifer? That's a bad idea.]

I mean, if we have a choice? We could go with Jason and make sure he doesn't get himself killed, again. Beat up asshole criminals. Hyne knows we're well trained.

[firacrux]

[It's reasonable to want to forget his pain. Seifer can't blame him, he wants to forget his a lot. Although in his case he probably wouldn't accept it, it'd cheapen all he'd done and been through.]

We could do that, yeah. Squall... he's been askin' me to come back. Help him fix things.

[Seifer's not sure it's possible, but it is kind of tempting. Could he really belong? He's not bothered Nida with his insecurities because he's a terrible brother who doesn't talk about his problems.]

[skyward_eyes]

Squall wanted me to come back too.

[But there's the problem. Seifer's alive back home. Nida... might not be. He could cease to exist by going home.]

Seifer, you should go back. To Balamb. Squall can't do it on his own. Garden is shit. It's horrid. It's bad juju.

[Yeah, real mature statement there.]

[firacrux]

[There's a faint frown and a nod. Yeah... He remembers. But there's a chance, right?]

I can't leave you alone.

[What would he do without his brother? Do they want to risk going back to find out if Nida made it through or not? If only someone would come along from later who could confirm for them. He does snort in amusement at the juju.]

You're probably right about all of that, the hell am I going to help? All I do is fuck things up, remember?

[skyward_eyes]

Really?

[Nida rolls his eyes at the idea that Seifer fucks things up. Seifer's been doing a LOT to fix Nida up. And Nida's a mess.]

You'd be able to drive Squall to actually DO the things he knows would improve Garden, but would be too scared to do. And hell, there's even the fact that Garden doesn't even have it's own weaponsmith. Even if the place wants to keep training people, older people, the fact that kids have to use old shared weapons and then SAVE UP gil from their stipends to buy real weapons is wrong. And Squall? Would never be a good teacher for gunblades. You could be. There's a lot of things you could do.

[But Nida, going back? That's a terrifying thing he can't even touch.

Still, the conversation is holding his attention enough that he's abandoned the bottle, instead getting drunk on conversation. Which is sobering him slowly.]