dualislogs | Grace Is Gone

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Grace Is Gone

WHO: Nida Nomura, Some Closed Starters, Otherwise OTA
WHAT: Drinking with Wanda, Missing Persons Announcement, Dangerous habits
WHERE: Wanda's Room, Roof of Dorms
WHEN: August 1st - 7th
WARNINGS: Drinking, Grieving, Possible mentions of death and self-harm.

One Drink To Remember - Closed to Wanda

When he wakes up, bed mostly cold, arms empty, no noise from familiar breathing, his heart aches. This hadn't happened yet, not to someone he knew. Not so far as he knew. Because it definitely hadn't been a year. Not even close. Not even...

Within an hour he's gone to the store and come back, and is knocking on another door in the dorm. Pounding really. He's got a nice tall bottle of vodka, grief in his heart, and someone that needs to know before anyone else. Especially since he couldn't find their information on the network anymore.

Then Another To Forget - OTA

This isn't what he's supposed to do. He knows that. It's not healthy, it's not smart, and it's definitely not what he should be doing, but hey, who needs good life choices? In this case the choice manifests in the form of a young man lying on the edge of the building, a bottle of vodka near at hand, claimed every few minutes for a swig as he stares up at the sky above him.

Is this a risky place to be, especially tipsy? Hell yes. Does Nida care? No. But he does flinch when the door to the roof opens? Yes. Is that possibly bad? Yes.

"Close the door," he'll call, his voice a bit uneven. "You're letting the warm out."

Which he thinks is pretty funny, leaving him chuckling.

Network Post - Audio Only

[Definitely Nida's voice, but also very clearly slurred just enough to imply someone has been drinking. Probably more than he should. Which is any at all.]

For those who would care? Billy Kaplan and Tommy Shepherd are gone.

Filtered to Seifer

Yes, I know. You're disappointed and I shouldn't be drinking. Whatever. Can I borrow Eos for a few nights?

[OOC: Nida is going to be in a bad emotional state, and mostly walking through life a bit broken. He's cool to have custom starters for anyone, just directly message me, hit me on plurk

churbooseanon or discord (Churby#4290). I can have something ready rather easily.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[And yet officer Karen said she chose to stay, so maybe sometimes allowances were made. It's not completely out the window, Seifer thinks. Then again who knows what criteria the Head chooses to keep people around if they want.

Come on, they should sit, and let the crocdog curl up with them too. He's good at making everything better.]

If I remember I'll make sure you find out.

[Sit? Nope? Nida's here now. Seifer hugging him is too important. Moving even for Eos seems like the worst plan ever.]

Behemothshit. Because if you did, you would have. And you haven't. So you don't.

[Stupid worlds with predestination and time loops.]

[No? Okay. Stand and hug it is.]

Maybe I don't remember yet.

[He doesn't know what time frame all this happens in. Or if they've made weird time offshoots now and they're trying to catch up. Who knows? It doesn't make sense. Hyne, if only they could go somewhere else.]

[Eventually he'll sit. Maybe. Right now he hurts too much.]

Don't lie to me. Don't offer hope that doesn't exist.

[It isn't really a lie, but it might be false hope. So he just nods and shuts up. Doesn't know what to say, maybe there isn't anything he can say. But he can be there for Nida anyway.]

[At last Nida let’s himself go heavy in Seifer’s arms, clearly indicating he needs to sit.]

I... I’m tired of the worlds taking away everything I love. My parents, Lijah, Billy, Jason.

[One of those came back. One.]

How long before I lose you too?

Edited (I hate autocorrect. You already love him Nida. Lose is the world. ) 2019-09-03 11:56 (UTC)

[Oh good, now Seifer moves to carefully settle them down on the most convenient looking surface. Or just on the floor where they can lean back against something. Whatever works. Eos will be happy to join them once they're closer to the ground.]

I know.

[Trust him he hates it too. That last question's harder.]

Wouldn't help to lie and say it'll never happen, can't always control that. Just know long as I can I'll fight to stay. Alright?

[He doesn't want to leave Nida, the universe just likes to kick everyone in the teeth.]

You’re stubborn enough to win.

[Nida settles against his brother. Then pulls away just enough to pick up Eos and put the crocdog in his lap. Helps to have something to hold.]

I am so fucking done with the universe or magic or people or whatever that is doing this to us.

Heh, I'd like to think so.

[He sure won't give up until he has no other option left. And even then he'll probably keep fighting about it. It's just how he is. Eos is perfectly happy to be hugged.]

Preachin' to the choir. This shit needs to end.

[Slowly Nida closes his eyes, trying to take comfort in Seifer's proximity.]

Does... this mean I have to go home now? I have no where else to go when the year is up. And this place... I don't believe the Head.

...

[He doesn't know. There are no answers here.]

Where else can we go?

[The plan was to go with Billy, but if they can't do that... what else are they going to do? Seifer doesn't much like the idea of returning, not at all, but he's not about to leave Nida behind.]

[He doesn't want to stay. And maybe he wants to forget the happiness he had with Billy. But forgetting Seifer? That's a bad idea.]

I mean, if we have a choice? We could go with Jason and make sure he doesn't get himself killed, again. Beat up asshole criminals. Hyne knows we're well trained.

[It's reasonable to want to forget his pain. Seifer can't blame him, he wants to forget his a lot. Although in his case he probably wouldn't accept it, it'd cheapen all he'd done and been through.]

We could do that, yeah. Squall... he's been askin' me to come back. Help him fix things.

[Seifer's not sure it's possible, but it is kind of tempting. Could he really belong? He's not bothered Nida with his insecurities because he's a terrible brother who doesn't talk about his problems.]

Squall wanted me to come back too.

[But there's the problem. Seifer's alive back home. Nida... might not be. He could cease to exist by going home.]

Seifer, you should go back. To Balamb. Squall can't do it on his own. Garden is shit. It's horrid. It's bad juju.

[Yeah, real mature statement there.]

[There's a faint frown and a nod. Yeah... He remembers. But there's a chance, right?]

I can't leave you alone.

[What would he do without his brother? Do they want to risk going back to find out if Nida made it through or not? If only someone would come along from later who could confirm for them. He does snort in amusement at the juju.]

You're probably right about all of that, the hell am I going to help? All I do is fuck things up, remember?

Really?

[Nida rolls his eyes at the idea that Seifer fucks things up. Seifer's been doing a LOT to fix Nida up. And Nida's a mess.]

You'd be able to drive Squall to actually DO the things he knows would improve Garden, but would be too scared to do. And hell, there's even the fact that Garden doesn't even have it's own weaponsmith. Even if the place wants to keep training people, older people, the fact that kids have to use old shared weapons and then SAVE UP gil from their stipends to buy real weapons is wrong. And Squall? Would never be a good teacher for gunblades. You could be. There's a lot of things you could do.

[But Nida, going back? That's a terrifying thing he can't even touch.

Still, the conversation is holding his attention enough that he's abandoned the bottle, instead getting drunk on conversation. Which is sobering him slowly.]

[Nida's the fluke, history has been very different. Or did he forget Seifer's long illustrious career of failures? They're both a mess maybe that's why they get along so well.

Still, he does present some good points. Several, really, especially the lack of an on-site weaponsmith. He huffs a laugh.]

Could you imagine him tryin' to teach a bunch of kids? He'd get impatient and leave.

[Worst teacher ever. Still, these are great points, and maybe there's something to them. Seifer's still not sold on the abandoning Nida part though.]

Which of course would leave them wondering if they were just the worst people ever. And they'd give up the weapon and their idol worship. No, they'd need discipline and support. The sort you'd be better at giving.

[Is he really trying to talk Seifer into going home? Apparently yes. After all, if Squall can fuck with memories and the past once back home, surely he can do it again to let him help Seifer. They're even from more or less the same point in time.]

Tch. What gives you that idea?

[Please continue, he likes the ego boost. It is tempting, that offer of a home and a purpose. Of maybe doing better than was done to him. Still that leaves the question of Nida.]

And what about you? What am I gonna do without my brother?

Me? I... I don't know. Maybe Jason will let me follow him. If not him... I don't know. I'll try and find something.

[Somewhere to go. Something to be. But it won't be home. Death is a thing.]

[Seifer just frowns, clearly torn and conflicted now. If Nida's not home, then what's the point of going back? Sure maybe he could help improve things, maybe, but if not? Then he'll be out the only family he has while he's at it.

It's not a very good choice. And not knowing whether or not Nida's alive... That's killing him too.]

This isn't an easy decision, Seifer. But we might have some time to think about it.

[What if he doesn't want to go home and forget what real love felt like?]