dualislogs | [Closed] What is friendship

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[Closed] What is friendship

WHO: Squall & Seifer
WHAT: Talking about their issues
WHERE: The workshop outside the city
WHEN: Aug 11 forward dated!
WARNINGS: Possibly things related to child soldiers, mind control, neglect, abandonment?

Ever since that near-disaster of a conversation early last month, Squall has been thinking about how to approach things with Seifer. There's no question they have a lot to talk about, and even more hurt feelings to navigate. The fact that they got out of that one without a physical altercation was a surprise, but hopefully a sign that they do want to work through things.

Still Squall has been putting it off. Talking about feelings has never been his strong suit. Made worse by the sheer reminder that he had let Seifer down back then. He doesn't know what to do about the resentment, the notion that he's 'perfect', or that 'good things fall in his lap'. He can't help but wonder if that's how a lot of people saw him. It bothers him.

He leaves a simple text message for Seifer the night before:

We should talk.

He gears up for the long walk to the workshop early next morning. Boko stubbornly tailing him. The chicobo more of a comfort and distraction that he's willing to admit. By the time he gets there, Boko is half-asleep in his arms and the thoughts in his head have worked its way into an indent between his eyebrows from frowning so much.

He bought breakfast for them though. Some cheap unhealthy fast food.

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The very things that had Seifer boil over the first time hadn't exactly disappeared, possibly never would, but he was good at putting them back in their drawer at the back of his mind to ignore until the next time they had an altercation. As such, Seifer was happy with ignoring it. He knows he shouldn't have said anything but it's too late now. Cat's out of the bag.

That's what happens every time his temper gets the better of him and someone pushes too many buttons. Maybe someday he'll learn some of Squall's bottling skills, then he'll be unstoppable. Then no one will ever get under his skin. Hyne, if only it were that easy.

It was his day off, which meant he was going to spend it at the workshop. Still so much work to do before he could really devote himself to getting things off the ground. But it was nice there, a quiet piece of space that was his, for better or worse. A sanctuary. The text had come as a surprise, responded with a simple You know where to find me and otherwise ignored. It hadn't occurred to him what Squall had been brooding on all this time. Honestly he expected Squall had disregarded him by now and forgotten about it.

Little did he know.

Instead he was working. Testing his forge cobbled together with mortar and salvaged bricks, testing the bellows he'd picked up for cheap, and setting up to start making himself a few tools to help make the job easier. Nearby in a long, shallow tray of water Eos was happily napping out of the way from the heat of Seifer's forge. It was all coming together now.

Squall also cared more than he wanted to admit. It made things difficult. Life was easier when all he needed to do was brush everyone off, but he knew he couldn't really go back to that way of living anymore.

Like most things, Seifer had pulled him into the conversation with Cloud and now he was a part of fixing up this workshop and forge. If he really thought about it, he wouldn't know what he was doing here exactly. It just felt good to create a space of their own outside of the city's eye (at least he hoped they were). An excuse to do something that he had some semblance of control over.

He was walking up to Seifer, boots heavy on the ground, when Boko chirped and dashed forward to leap right into the tray of water Eos was lying in. The small yellow bird spread open his wings and splashed around for a bit as if inviting the crocdog to notice him.

Guess that was one way to announce his presence? He sighed.

"I brought food."

Life was easier when they didn't get attached, but that had never been a sustainable method had it? They both knew it, deep down, yet they still tried. Tried with all their might to maintain that distance that made things easier. Or so they believed. It made them less fulfilling, as well.

Taking control, even in these small ways, was important. At first it had been hard, every day in the Iteration a struggle while he dug and clawed to try to figure out how to function in a world away from Garden's structure. Staying busy was about the only way he kept himself from going mad. The same could be said here. Only this time he had to build the forge himself to keep occupied. In a way it was better. After all he was truly learning the ins and outs now.

One of which was tools. He heard Squall's steps but didn't look up, focused on he was at the task at hand. Wearing a tank top to try to keep cooler while he hammered away on a piece of still-glowing steel, shaping one half of what would become a pair of tongs. Once he had a pause, which involved tossing the iron back into his coals, he looked over at Squall... then the commotion of Boko through his goggles. He frowned slightly.

Eos, however, hopped up at first in alarm, making some kind of croaking sound of distress, before leaning in to carefully sniff at the splashing bird in his tub.

"Y'know he's gonna get feathers in his water," He rumbled, motioning for Squall to go over to where a couple large workbenches had been wedged into a corner with pegboard behind, the start of his workstation. Sketches and measurements were strewn about on one, the other neat and tidy. "Where'd you find a chocobo?"

I'll pick it up later." He can do that much. Just not right now because he was fairly sure Boko was going to jump right back in if he ever got out. This bird had a mind of his own and was eager to get into trouble. "He showed up at the door last week. Nida's scared of him."

Boko meanwhile went 'kweh' at Eos and was posing ridiculously with his spread wings as if showing off while making himself look bigger.

Squall wandered over to the empty workbench, giving the sketches a glance and paused when he spotted one that looked like a gunblade. He set the stuff in his hands down and moved over to take a look instead, carefully pushing the other designs for Cloud and Nida(?) aside. At least this confirmed that Seifer was going to make a gunblade, but... This one. The gun base featured the revolver alongside Seifer's pistol design.

He frowned, pushing back the unwanted warmth in his chest. It was one thing to guess that Seifer was going to make him one but another to have it confirmed.

"You better," There's no real bite to it, honestly. Just Seifer being Seifer, which is disagreeable but with no true malice. At the comment about Nida he huffed a laugh, retrieving his warmed iron back out of the fire to go back to shaping it over the horn of his anvil. "Heh heh, yeah I think I remember him mentionin' something about not bein' fond of chocobos." More like ranting. It was pretty hilarious. Nida being afraid of a chicobo is even more hilarious.

Eos ducked down into the water, blowing bubbles out of his long snout at the bird. Clearly the tiny reptilian animal wasn't sure if he should be terrified or not. Boko didn't seem hostile. He was very boisterous though!

Indeed there were many sketches, most of which were devoted to schematics for gunblades and their various firing mechanisms. One was even labeled a "butter-knife of destiny". It was one of the pistol models, surely this had to be an inside joke of some kind. Many of the more detailed sketches were diagrams of the various firing mechanisms they were both familiar with, and what was apparently several significant alterations he intended to implement to them. Changes in hilt and trigger design as well.

Who knew Seifer had a small knack for design? Thanks in no small part to Tony. Much of this was based off of what Seifer could remember of recommendations, lectures, and sketches from Tony himself. With his own additional flare added in.

Yes, it was quite clear that Seifer had genuinely intended to make Squall a blade, even if he hadn't said anything and sure wouldn't admit to it. They both knew he didn't like the revolver design, didn't mean he'd try to convert Squall away from it. In fact, the blade accompanying the revolver type appeared to be of heavier design, definitely not one for Seifer.

Squall turned away from the sketches to watch Seifer. The amusement was the kind of reaction Squall usually saw him show around the posse sometimes. He still thought it unusual how close Seifer and Nida were. Maybe even a little jealous? Not that he'd ever admit it even in the privacy of his own head.

"He jumped on the table when he saw Boko. Kicked the chair away." Sorry, Nida. He's ratting you out.

A pause later, he finally said, "You redesigned our gunblades..." It wasn't what he came here to talk about but he couldn't help asking. He didn't even know Seifer could design anything.

Nida might as well be posse now. Especially given his old posse wasn't likely to appear. Even then that wouldn't change things with Nida. They're family. Been through too much together.

That earned a barked laugh as Seifer finally set aside the first half of his new tongs to pluck another iron out of the fire to start working it.

"I woulda loved to see that!" Poor Nida, no dignity. Ah, yes, Squall's noticed the sketches it would seem.

"The guy who taught me this took a lotta issue with the way they're designed. Can't take all the credit most of that comes from what I remember of his drawings and talks." Also, again, more like rants. The blade designs were all his, though.

"I didn't think to film it." He was surprising himself by playing along, even though he didn't look or sound like he was. He pulled off dry humor really well.

He decided to unpack their early lunch from the bag, arranging it for the both of them to eat whenever they wanted as he listened.

"Someone from the other place?" This time he did sound legitimately curious. "Why did he care about our gunblades?" He jabbed a straw through the plastic cup and sipped his soda, turning to lean against the worktable with one leg resting on the bench. "Did you ever make a prototype?"

"Next time have your phone ready," Because you know what? Totally worth filming. He needs to see Nida freaking out over a tiny baby chocobo. Squall did pull off dry humor, but Seifer still caught the slight hint of it there. Greatly amused by his being humored at all, honestly.

Mm, food, yeah it did actually seem like a good time for a break. He set his iron aside, resolving to finish up those tongs in a few. Not like anything is going anywhere.

"Yeah, his name was Tony." Or, more affectionately, Mr. Stank. But he's not going to say that with the man not around and able to defend himself! "Y'know, that's a good question. I think he just saw a problem he couldn't resist tryin' to fix. Took a lot of issue with the design bein' murder on our wrists." Which, admittedly, it was. You just didn't notice with Junctions. Seifer moved over to inspect the food, popping off the lid so he can just gulp down most of his soda in one go... He really needs to bring more water out here for drinking. "Nah, no gunpowder where we were. And he was staunchly against makin' guns in the first place. Hell, he didn't like makin' weapons at all."

But... Seifer still respected him. And his reasons. "Sure could put it down in chalk well enough you could see the damned thing come to life, though." Was that a bit of admiration in his tone? Respect, at the very least.

Call it being in a good mood. That and he was here to drag up all the things neither of them wanted to talk about. Might as well try to be nice. He shrugged. "We'll see.

He watched as Seifer came over, raising his eyebrows as the soda disappeared. They should probably store up those huge water bottles. Maybe Squall could even take one from the Premium Foods break room every now and then. There was no love lost with that company right now.

The way Seifer talked about this Tony guy surprised him and it showed on his face. It sounded like Seifer actually respected the guy. Seifer didn't respect anyone.

"Right," he agreed absently. He reached over to move the gunblade sketch to the top of the pile so he can give it a closer look. He was already curious how it'd feel in his hand.

"It looks like he knew what he was doing." As far as he could tell, nothing was being functionally compromised. "I'd like some more adjustments to the grip and trigger but I'll give it a try when you get around to it." He sounded genuinely interested. Maybe even a little excited. He'd remodeled his gunblade a few times and while revolver will forever remain his favorite, the shift to lionheart had opened his mind to some drastic changes.

A little honey to make the vinegar more tolerable when they start talking about things Seifer was content to pretend weren't an issue.

They definitely needed to bring some drinking water down. It's hot, strenuous work at the forge. Really it was foolish of him not to have brought water in the first place. Squall stealing supplies from Premium Foods would be both hilarious and welcome. Seifer would certainly be amused.

"I'd imagine. Supposedly the guy built himself a power suit that could fly and shoot lasers and shit. Several of 'em," Granted he never saw those in person but seeing what Tony could do with limited resources? He wouldn't be surprised if the stories were true. "What've you got in mind?" Don't mind him while he wolfs down the offered food. Sure it's not the most nutritious fare, not like Seifer was complaining. He's hungry and doesn't have to cook, win win.

Squall doesn't touch his food yet, still absently sipping his drink. He raises his eyebrows at the description of power suits.

"Suits he wears...?" That sounds really unrealistic, Seifer. He moves away from Seifer so he can place the sketch between them. Then he starts pointing at a few different areas of the grip, explaining the adjustments to adapt to his particular fighting style. A little bit of a curve on the handle where his hand would sit, raising it slightly in others.

He's matter-of-fact about it but there's no hiding the enthusiasm he has for their shared weapon. Why didn't they talk about it more before? He only remembers some bickering about their individual preferences and rare as those were, they also still mostly one-sided. Did they discuss it when they were younger? He can't remember.

"Sounds crazy, right? I thought so too, until a lotta people confirmed the story. Hell it wasn't even really him who told me about it until I asked."

Of course Seifer was skeptical at first, but seeing the work that man could do with primitive tools left him fairly certain that given access to better equipment he could absolutely fashion himself a suit of power armor. Seifer scooped up a pencil to jot down alongside the diagram the alterations Squall would have made to his own design. He'll adjust as necessary later.

They really should have actually talked about their shared weapon in the past, might have found they had a lot more in common than just beating the tar out of each other. Neither one of them was especially adept at being social, and even now it was still difficult. Yet this common ground was helping ease some of the tension. It's clear Seifer's passionate about this. He wants to build the best gunblades. Ones to rival even Lionheart.

It's strange hearing about Seifer's experiences in that other place. It does sound like it's been fairly good for him. A life beyond Garden.

He wants to treasure this tentative friendship between them. It might be the last chance he gets to see a different side to Seifer. The only chance to make things right. When he runs out of things to add to the current sketches, he's finished the last of his drink and poked at the fries that came with his food.

He shouldn't put this off any longer. He breathes out slowly and grasps at the edge of the table with his hands on either side of him, eyes on the ground.

"I want to continue that conversation. That night I asked if you still wanted to be SeeD."

It had been really good for him. Meeting people who didn't just want to use him for their own gain or tossed him aside outright had been an experience. Imagine suddenly having people care about you, just you, and not for what you can do for them? Well, Squall has that. It's new for Seifer.

Seifer's food and drink didn't last long, he was tempted to steal those fries Squall was poking at, honestly, having not thought to bring much food out there for himself. All this working and he wasn't feeding himself adequately. Gotta fix that later. He can tell there's something on Squall's mind, but figures he'll spit it out eventually if he just gives him enough time.

Of course he hadn't expected it to be that. He frowns darkly at Squall. Really? They were doing so well, too.

"What's left to say?" He thought he made himself clear.

Squall definitely has that now. It still feels strange but he doesn't want to lose it. He doesn't want to lose this either. His frown deepens at the expected hostility but he powers through. He has to remember it's worth it no matter how difficult it's proving to be.

"You hate me. I don't think I deserve all of it but I don't want it to hang over everything we try to do here. Friends... share their problems, right? We have a chance we might not get again, so... let's talk."

"I don't hate you," He's quick to correct. Hate is very different from this. Jealousy and resentment yes, anger over having been tossed aside absolutely. Not just by Squall, by everyone. To always be passed over in favor of Squall no matter how hard he tried. It all fed into a frothing anger, but not hate. Hate wouldn't have him here designing them both a new gunblade.

He heaves a frustrated sigh, running a hand back through his hair. Squall wanting to talk is unique enough he would be remiss to shove him away now. Especially after all the progress he'd made with Rinoa and Nida... it wouldn't be fair to not offer Squall the same courtesy. So... fine, he'll give him a chance. "Alright." He grumbles. Seriously he needs more food for this.

Wait, he doesn't? That gets Squall to stare at him incredulously. Then what the hell does he call that outburst before? Ugh. Why do feelings have to be complicated? He can't doubt it though. Seifer's been nice to him, cooking for him and expressing concern in his own way and... redesigning their gunblades.

Has he mentioned he hates feelings yet?

"Right." He confirms and leans forward, elbows on his knees this time.

"Do you know what happened after we fought Ultimecia?"

Seifer just stares him down defiantly. Emotions are hard, but all negative emotions aren't hate. That outburst was pain, not hatred. Well, not hatred for Squall, Garden yes. Probably Cid too, and Edea... While they might be kindly parental figures for the others, Edea herself is the face of torment for Seifer. He'll never be able to look at them the same.

Feelings suck. But they make them human. They need them.

He shook his head at the question, waiting for Squall to elaborate.

He'll have to learn not to see it as an attack. He's trying. Normally he'd be able to make decent observations but not when it's directed at him like this. With so much baggage between them.

But that's why he's here, isn't it? He scowls and looks away, back at the ground. It's very interesting, this floor.

"We don't exist that far in the future. To go home, we had to... think of a place important to us, believe in each other." He runs a hand through his hair. "I ended up at the orphanage but I went back too far. I saw matron..."

He closes his eyes.

"I was the one who told her about SeeD and Garden. What we're trained to do."

He'd thought about it since their argument. He wouldn't have done it any other way. Couldn't.

It is definitely not an attack. It might be defensive. Seifer's volatile, Squall should be accustomed to that much. The baggage is heavy between them, but Seifer is trying to make an effort... He's just not always great at it.

Right. She was from the future. The Time Compression thing... he didn't know many details. Only that it happened. "You traveled even more through time?" How the hell did Squall manage that? Wait... Understanding slowly dawned on his features.

"So... all of that was kinda your fault?" It was a tease, a slight smirk went along with the accusation. Followed shortly by a shrug and a shake of his head. "Doesn't matter. Never had a fuckin' choice anyway. No reason we couldn't have been better prepared." No, Cid failed them by choosing not only not to say anything but by giving them amnesia spirits to boot.

He is used to that but full out resentment from Seifer is... new, especially with what he knows now. Not much at all, admittedly but more than before. The question gets a shrug. He doesn't know. It feels like sheer luck that they made it to the castle and out again as successfully as they did. And that's with his experience in the void.

His eyes widen at the tease. It stings a little but seeing the smirk makes him force himself to smooth over the ruffled feathers. Seifer's not wrong, even though it sucks to hear. He rubs at the back of his neck.

"I guess so. I ended it so I had to start it?" Hell, he has no idea. He never studied time magic. "I don't think Cid was ever prepared to fight matron. It wouldn't have mattered to me what I was training for either." But it could have helped Seifer. And Squall would have known what the hell he was asking for in D-district.

Welcome to knowing things you never wanted to, Squall. Seifer hadn't wanted to share, things just came out when the right buttons were pushed hard enough. Squall had done a fine job of that the last time this conversation came up. Luck. Always with the luck. Squall had it in droves. Bitterly Seifer wondered when he might ever get a slice.

"Guess. Fuckin' time loops." That's all he really knows. It was a time loop, it'd happen regardless and they had no other choice. He just wished he'd not had to play the part he did. Seifer twitched a little at the name, Matron, his jaw tightening. Going a little pale. Don't mind him he's just mildly freaking out. "Cid's a fucking coward who made you do his dirty work." He hisses, loathing clear in his tone. Now if Squall wants to know hate, that's what that sounds like.

They could have been better prepared. Maybe he wouldn't have jumped into her service the way he had. Maybe... hindsight was always so much clearer, wasn't it?

It came with over ten years of learning how to be an asshole. Sorry. He'd argue that Seifer had found some luck now if that ever came up in conversation.

Time loops. He wonders if that's all that is with what he's seen in the void. He doesn't want to talk about that though. The genuine hate in Seifer's voice comes through loud and clear.

"I know." He doesn't hate Cid as intensely. He's mad, sure, and the man will never have Squall's genuine respect. But he's just a sad old man who got in over his head. He sounds distracted when he speaks again.

"It's too late for us but there are still junior classmen in Garden. Maybe... I can give them the chance we never got." An option for a normal life. Not just missions and death.

Luck that he's desperate to cling to and not share because Squall's here, and Squall's a threat to his luck. A threat to his everything.

Had Squall been on the receiving end of being constantly shafted he might think differently of Cid. As it was there were numerous times Cid could have stepped in, stepped up, done anything that could have changed the course. At least given Seifer some hope before he had to go serve the Matron they'd all forgotten. Even after, he could have at least spoken up.

But he didn't, because he was a damned coward. Useless, like all other adults in their lives.

"If you want to do that then Garden needs to stop existing as it is. A meat-grinder of war orphans for profit."

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