dualislogs | Grace Is Gone

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Grace Is Gone

WHO: Nida Nomura, Some Closed Starters, Otherwise OTA
WHAT: Drinking with Wanda, Missing Persons Announcement, Dangerous habits
WHERE: Wanda's Room, Roof of Dorms
WHEN: August 1st - 7th
WARNINGS: Drinking, Grieving, Possible mentions of death and self-harm.

One Drink To Remember - Closed to Wanda

When he wakes up, bed mostly cold, arms empty, no noise from familiar breathing, his heart aches. This hadn't happened yet, not to someone he knew. Not so far as he knew. Because it definitely hadn't been a year. Not even close. Not even...

Within an hour he's gone to the store and come back, and is knocking on another door in the dorm. Pounding really. He's got a nice tall bottle of vodka, grief in his heart, and someone that needs to know before anyone else. Especially since he couldn't find their information on the network anymore.

Then Another To Forget - OTA

This isn't what he's supposed to do. He knows that. It's not healthy, it's not smart, and it's definitely not what he should be doing, but hey, who needs good life choices? In this case the choice manifests in the form of a young man lying on the edge of the building, a bottle of vodka near at hand, claimed every few minutes for a swig as he stares up at the sky above him.

Is this a risky place to be, especially tipsy? Hell yes. Does Nida care? No. But he does flinch when the door to the roof opens? Yes. Is that possibly bad? Yes.

"Close the door," he'll call, his voice a bit uneven. "You're letting the warm out."

Which he thinks is pretty funny, leaving him chuckling.

Network Post - Audio Only

[Definitely Nida's voice, but also very clearly slurred just enough to imply someone has been drinking. Probably more than he should. Which is any at all.]

For those who would care? Billy Kaplan and Tommy Shepherd are gone.

Filtered to Seifer

Yes, I know. You're disappointed and I shouldn't be drinking. Whatever. Can I borrow Eos for a few nights?

[OOC: Nida is going to be in a bad emotional state, and mostly walking through life a bit broken. He's cool to have custom starters for anyone, just directly message me, hit me on plurk

churbooseanon or discord (Churby#4290). I can have something ready rather easily.]

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Wanda had just returned from her week at the mines and had been sleeping through the exhausted that had always followed. She had planned to see the boys later that afternoon, after being away from the city for an entire week, and was surprised at the sudden banging at her door, jolting her awake.

She gasped and placed a hand over her heart as she started at her door. The confusion of sleep was replaced with worry and an ache that she couldn't identify. Something had changed, it was wrong. The energy of this place had shifted. Instinct thrilled in the way that only a mother's feelings could as she rose to her feet and walked to the door. A part of her knew. She felt it on a level that was beyond mental or physical. Billy and Tommy were a part of her, even if it was an alternate part. Her magical senses tasted the loss but she didn't believe it.

Not until she opened the door and found Nida standing there.

Wanda didn't say anything, she couldn't speak. Tears gathered in the corner of her eyes because she knew what this meant. He didn't have to say anything.

She stepped to the side, silently inviting him in, all while trying to push down the cold chill that had begun to course through her veins.

Now there was a face that he knew shared his grief. He couldn't say for sure why she went so immediately to tears. Maybe it was the grimness of his own expression. Maybe the sag of his shoulders. Maybe just the alcohol in hand. No matter what it was, it drew the sting of them back to his, and he bowed his head as he took the invitation to step inside.

"I thought you should be the first person I told. It was... it was just like in the village. Waking up and they're just gone. Home, I presume. Tommy to get rescued from whatever happened to him. Billy to save the world and see his fiance."

He'd had a memory, from someone else in their future. Nida's so far out of the picture that he isn't within the bounds of the frame.

"We did this, when you left the village. They searched for you, and then I convinced them to come by my place since I couldn't really walk at the time. We sat around and drank to your memory. It seems right to return the favor."

She wanted to explain to him. To tell him that she felt Billy's magical absence from the world but it was hard to form anything into words. She nodded and gently closed the door behind him. It was too much.

Every time she found her family she lost them again. Over and over again. It was wearing her down.

"Thank you." Her voice cracked and she reached for a tissue to dry her eyes. "For coming to tell me. For being there for them when I couldn't." She wondered if they had felt like this when she had disappeared. What kind of mother was she if she caused them pain like this? Wanda tried not to think about it, it was only making it worse but she couldn't stop herself.

They wouldn't even remember her now that they were home.

She took a seat on her bed and gestured belatedly for Nida to join her. She knew he was there but her grief was palpable and she hadn't had time to come to terms with it. She wanted to get angry, to destroy those responsible but there was no one to direct that furry towards.

At least some Wanda out there had her sons. At least they would find her and be with her back in their home. But him...? Nida didn't have that comfort. Still, he isn't going to leave her alone in this. No way he could. There was no one else in this whole damn city that would feel their loss as acutely as he did. So he sits beside her and opens the bottle, producing a pair of shot glasses from his pocket.

While he doesn't intend to get wasted around her, there is no way he's not sharing something with Wanda. Even though Billy had been one of the louder voices in telling him to cut the drinking back in the village, after his return.

Once he poured a shot he offered it to her, even as his free arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"You were always with them in their hearts. Now... now you just have to have faith that the you that's where they are will take care of them too. That they'll be happy where they belong, and who they belong with."

She took the shot, offering a weak smile to Nida before tossing the liquid down her throat. It burned in a comforting way and reminded her a little bit of her childhood. Two homeless orphans, they'd done everything they could to keep warm during the fridge winter months.

"Thanks." Wanda didn't know if she believed it but she wished it to be true. "And you're right. I know you are."

She leaned against his side and tried not to think of their real mother. Was she treating them well? Did she cook with Tommy? Do magic with Billy? Her heart ached thinking about it, wishing that somehow it could be her but it wasn't. She'd return to her universe, her time, and she'd be alone.

"It's selfish, to wish they were back here." They had a chance of a happy life in their world.

Of course it's selfish to want them back. She wants them as her children when there is another Wanda that can claim them, not to mention Billy's bio-family. And Nida? He wants his friend and his boyfriend back, even though the guy has a better relationship out there for him. So he takes his own shot and throws it back quickly. Bad choices, but they're making them together.

"Yeah, it is. And we're both deeply guilty of it. But at least we can be deeply guilty of it together. Here they could never be all they were, or do the great things they're meant for. So it's probably best for us not to begrudge them home and safety."

Oh but does he ever begrudge. So he focuses instead on leaning his head against hers.

"At least when you go home, you have a chance of someday knowing them, think of it that way."

Wanda closed her eyes and tried to fight back the tears. "I don't think I can." They had unnatural births but also... Vision was dead in her time. She'd never have a family with him, even if she wanted one. Her life was already so unlike the Wanda of their time.

"Vision, their father, is dead in my world."

She hadn't been able to save him.

"I don't know Nida. But thank you for trying." There wasn't really a way to make this better. All she could do was hope that whatever lay in Tommy or Billy's future... she wanted them to be happy.

Oh. That's... less than wonderful. Still, Nida bites his lip as he considers it.

"From what I understand, they weren't exactly a traditional birth, Wanda. You magicked them."

Created them from the love in her heart, the thought of herself and her husband, and a lot of magic. She probably can have her sons either way. But yeah, he gets the desire for them to be happy. So he takes his arm from around her and starts to pour additional shots.

"To the happiness of Billy Kaplan and Tommy Shepherd."

"That is what I heard too but I don't know what magic it was. The infinity stones have been destroyed. They were the only thing that might give me my son's or a version of them." If she did have children, they were never replace Tommy and Billy. They would just be another addition to her family.

"Yes."

She took the shot with a sad smile.

"They're my children. Any version of me. I know they can find their happiness. Wherever and whenever they are."

Who knows. They can't predict what the future will be, what they will be. Other than not with the twins. He'll be alone, if he's even around, and that hurts.

"They can. They will. And we have to be happy for them. As much as it hurts."

The shot goes down and Nida's eyes are stinging with tears but they don't fall. He won't let them.

"That shopping trip we had planned? I was going to ask you for advice on a ring."

Wanda smiled though it was weak and fractured. "I am happy for them." It didn't mean that she was happy. She wasn't. She missed them and her heart ached to be with her son's but she was happy for them. They had a wonderful future ahead of them.

Her heart broke when Nida talked about a ring.

"Nida..."

Wanda placed down her shot glass and pulled him into a tight hug. She was missing her son's but perhaps it was worse for Nida, who had wanted to spend his life with Billy. "I'm so sorry."

And Wanda knew that Billy would have said yes.

Well, that makes one of them certain of what he would have said. Nida was sure it was going to be more along the lines of 'you keep moving fast'. Except he didn't always, but whatever. He'd had a whole evening planned for it, but that was gone and maybe he'll just go out into the world with the money he saved and go find someone to keep him company for the cost instead.

Still, he's left a bit shocked to end up in a hug ~~and it's absolutely enough to let a few tears fall as he lets her do it.~~

"Don't be. He's better off there, right? Big fucking fate and all. Change the laws of magic, be a god, marry an alien prince or whatever. Make a difference. He couldn't do that here. We can't even do that here. I don't believe for a second that's what the Head wants of us. So at least he gets to avoid whatever is going on here."

"Yeah."

She didn't know what else to say. It sounded as if his heart was breaking and at the same time it was brimming with hope for a future that could only exist outside of Billy's reality. Wanda tried to imagine meeting someone here had Vision still been alive and it hurt.

It was difficult to imagine.

"You aren't alone. You're part of my family now." She leaned back slightly and brushed her thumb just beneath his eye. "It's okay to cry Nida."

Part of her...? What? Okay, now he's frowning at Wanda because that makes no sense. Which is hilarious, because he was normally the one going around and declaring people family before they have time to protest.

But the thing is, in this moment, he needs it. He absolutely needs someone because yeah, his heart is breaking. Shattered really. And no point trying to make it better. Billy's gone where he can't follow. Strangely, it's probably something Wanda can understand better than most. He's just lucky that his partner gets a happy ending.

"And when did I get adopted? I don't remember any paperwork," he says. Humor in dark times, something you learned as an orphan. Or at least he had. "And there's no point crying. He wouldn't want that."

He wouldn't want a lot of things Nida's doing.

"I'm supposed to be here for you, Wanda. He's your son."

"I'm sorry but I didn't give you a choice." Wanda didn't know Nida very well but she knew enough. He had a good heart and tried his best to be strong; even now she could see his efforts. He was resilient and hopeful. He loved even though he knew it wouldn't last and he was heartbroken but here to comfort her.

"There is a point in crying. It's for you, not for them."

She was sad that they were gone, that she might never have the chance to see them again but Wanda was used to saying goodbye. She would cry too, when she was ready, and she'd miss them every day their gone but she will also live for them.

"You are here for me." Just sitting and talking with her helped. It was easier when you weren't entirely alone.

Strange, that's exactly how he got his brothers. But the hopeful is all for show. All of this? This is strength for her.

He sighs and still, no tears. He won't let himself.

"They're happier where they are. Or will be, when Billy saves Tommy. That David guy probably knows more. Saw his memories. Guess I get why he frowned at me sometimes. Smart people think too hard."

Edited 2019-09-20 02:25 (UTC)

Wanda has slowly gotten to know David and while she didn't have the whole story, she knew that the man knew more about her son's and family that he wasn't comfortable sharing. She could understand, even if she was loathed to do so.

"They are. I might ask him. David that is. Maybe he knows more..."

Wanda inclines her head towards the bottle of liquor. "Maybe one more." She hadn't eaten yet, just waking up from sleep and she was beginning to feel the hazy weigh of the liquor as well as its numbing effects.

She wasn't ready to feel their leaving, not fully, and this helped dull the senses; both magical and not.

One more he can understand. Nida pours another shot for Wanda and himself, throwing his back pretty instantly.

"I've had enough of my life screwed up from people knowing futures they shouldn't. I think I'll pass on interrogating him," had admits. The guy doesn't seem to like him anyway, the way he looks. What? It's just what he's like.

"You could take the day off. I don't think anyone would fault you."

She tossed back the shot and then placed the shot glass on the desk, signalling that she was done. Her head felt pleasantly light headed and her senses numbed.

"Being distracted sometimes helps."

It's what helped get over Pietro's death and many other heartaches.

"I'll try and remember that for myself. Already called off for the day. Don't... know what I'm going to do with it, but I really don't think I should be around machinery."

Could hurt himself, you know?

"That might be wise. I have body guard duty today." She paused and watched Nida. "I'll call out. Why don't we do something?"

Wanda didn't know what. It'd probably be watching movies and eating and being sad but they'd do all that together.

Do something? Nida looks very shocked at the proposal. Even in the face of her claiming him as family. That doesn't make a lot of sense.

"I don't know. I mean... your job bis really important. Protecting people. I don't want to keep you from that."

"Yes but I've also been drinking and I'd rather spend time with you." She smiled slightly though the gesture didn't reach her eyes. "We can watch a movie."

This would probably be better than going to work slightly buzzed.

"Now if only they had Star Wars here. Billy loved it. I ever tell you that's how we became friends? When I couldn't sleep in the village, he offered to tell me stories about space. And he told me Star Wars, right from Episode One. Most nights before bed, we'd stay up on the devices, talking."

He fell in love with the guy before he even saw his face. Only he didn't even know it.

"Must get that caring spirit from you."

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Grace Is Gone

One Drink to Forget.

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