[Closed] Equivalent of shoves in a closet

[silentnarration]

WHO: Squall, Seifer, Rinoa + Nida
WHAT: An intervention???
WHERE: Squall and Nida's dorm room
WHEN: Dec 1st?
WARNING: Disaster teenagers about their feelings for each other, I guess.

It's just your average Dualis dorm life, except Nida had challenged Squall to a game of Triple Triad (yes!) and then left after one game (why!). He said he'd be back though so Squall got comfortable sitting on the bed and leaning against the wall, sorting through the same lone deck of cards he's grown far too familiar with by now. He misses his rare cards, the rules, actually being able to take cards when he wins.

He sighs... And only looks up when he hears the quiet noise of the thumbprint sensor unlocking the door.

Finally.

Comments

[silentnarration]

Trust him, Seifer. Squall definitely wants to just shrivel up and disappear right now than manage a conversation he's not qualified for. He draws his other knee up, runs a hand through his hair and keeps it resting at the back of it, head tilted at a weird angle, fingers digging into his scalp.

Rinoa is closing off and it's making him panic. And Seifer has been trying to do that since they all reunited so at least that one's expected. Upsetting still but it's something he was working on improving until... well.

"It's not about the past." Nothing good ever happened there anyway, with few exceptions. "You changed my life, Rinoa. I wouldn't be who I am if I never met you." Hell, he wouldn't even be trying before. "You're a part of our lives now... if you still want to be." His voice dips quiet. He can't bring himself to look at them or they'll see how vulnerable he feels right now. It just feels like she's going to leave. He doesn't want any of them to leave.

"There are no guarantees in the future," he adds quietly. "That's why the time we have now is important. You told me that."

When he opens his eyes again, it feels more like he's talking to himself now, staring at something only he can his see. His monologue becoming heard.

"Don't think about what we can or can't have. What do we want if we have a fresh start right now?" He wraps his arms around his knees, almost hiding his face there. "It sounds naive but we have a chance here we'll never have back home, even though things are bad. We don't have to answer right now... I don't think any of us want to be here right now. Whatever it is... if we want to stay friends, or something more, or..." His voice catches. Hyne, he feels like he's the weak little boy crying for Sis again.

"You're important to me. I think you're important to each other too. I think we want each other to be happy, but it's scary to get hurt again."

Quieter. He's hiding his face between his knees completely now. "I won't stop you if you want to go.

Please don't go.

[etherealsage]

She shakes her head slowly, though doesn't seem to be refuting anything the other two are saying. At least not yet. A lot of her refusal to talk has simply been her temporarily stalling for time while she tries to figure out what to say and how to say it. She's had a plethora of situations where she's just aired her grievances without even thinking about the consequences.

For once, she wants to try to be a little thoughtful. She wants to prove that she learned something back home. To them? To herself? Both? Probably both. She needs her own validation as much as she needs it from anyone else to make sure she's going in the right direction.

"I agree that we've had opportunities here that we otherwise wouldn't have had. Maybe I don't get to say that because I've only been here for a few months. You guys have obviously been here longer, so I'm sure that qualifies more for you." Really, she hasn't been around long enough to think on anything except a version of herself that she never knew and keeps trying to be. That's going great, by the way.

She gives Eos a gentle embrace before she tries to coerce him to go sit with his dad. Seifer seems to have cooled off a bit. As much as he might, though.

"I've got a lot of thoughts about this whole thing and how I fit into it. I've been standing between you two for so long that I... have kind of been there ever since I joined the rag tag bunch of misfits. I don't think I realised that until I really started to think about it, but it's true."

Her head tips thoughtfully as she continues, trying to be methodical about what she has to say. "The way things happened, we never really got a chance to do anything except live in the moment. So there wasn't time to think or want. It was just us doing what we thought needed to be done and holding onto the thing closest to us because we weren't sure if there was going to be a tomorrow."

Motioning between the two guys, contradictions of a sort, Rinoa found herself continuing. "I also realise that I wasn't as active as I should have been. I watched you two square off and constantly felt conflicted. Didn't stop it. Just quietly obsessed. I don't have an excuse for it. I meant what I said about Seifer in Galbadia. That doesn't just go away. I don't get to pretend I didn't say it. I still feel that way. I assume that's why I felt like I had to be between you guys. I think it's important that we take happiness where we can get it. When we can. We won't always have times like this, so we owe it to ourselves to take it when it's there. We deserve it."

"But with that being said..." She quieted after some moments, trying to consider how she intended to finish and conclude on her end of things. "A lot of this has been really complicated and really hard. On you guys. On me. Maybe I'm not in a good place for it. Maybe I feel like I need some time. I don't know. One of you I can handle. Kind of. Maybe. But both of you... I don't think I want that. I support whatever you guys want because I want you guys to be happy. You guys need it and maybe you guys will find that if you let yourselves do so, but I can't be a part of it. At least, not right now."

And maybe that'll change. Maybe it won't. She's certain she doesn't feel she deserves that pursuit as she comes to terms with just how she's wronged them both by not saying anything sooner. It's not a punishment. Just fact. And in the face of it all, while the words are hard to get out, Rinoa doesn't look miserable. She looks softer, but not unhappy.

[firacrux]

This is all well and good, but Seifer still doesn't think it has anything to do with him. It shouldn't anyway. He's the trespasser here. But... Sigh. Damn it, when did Squall get to be somewhat reasonable? He has a few good points, even if he is being far too idealistic.

"Not much longer," Seifer clarifies. Not here in the city anyway, the village was different. Of course he also doesn't expect Rinoa to remember or be how she was in the village. She should really stop trying to hold herself to that standard. Rinoa is Rinoa, that's all that matters.

He glances up from where he's been staring at a spot on the wall. "What you said?" It's not like he was present for any of that. So now, of course, he's curious.

As Rinoa concludes Seifer just frowns, shaking his head. "I don't know what you think I'm asking out of you, 'cause I'm not. You guys gotta figure yourselves out. I ain't gettin' between that." It's not his place. Never has been.

"So stop acting like there's some 'us' going on. I don't know what the hell is going on between you two but don't lay it on me." He has been minding his own damn business thanks.

Maybe it's cold, but he's not taking responsibility for something he's kept to himself. Frankly he's a little pissed off he's being forced into this couple's discussion thing at all.

Besides if he were really important then it wouldn't have been so easy to throw him away in the first place.

[silentnarration]

Squall watches as they talk, slowly loosening from the ball he's folded himself into.

"It doesn't matter how long you've been here." He shakes his head. "You have a place. I want to know how you feel, what you're thinking..." At Rinoa bringing up Galbadia though, a look of understanding and surprise pass over him. That's right. She did say something about Seifer, didn't she? He'd been so distressed by the reality of death that it had just been one of the many conversations they've had in their misadventure. He gives Rinoa a reassuring nod before turning to Seifer.

"After Timber, we were told you were executed. Rinoa told us what she felt about you." He glances over at Rinoa and quiets after. What she wants to say about it is her story to tell.

He listens to the rest, to the both of them. He doesn't know how to reconcile this. What is he supposed to do? The fact that they're both still standing here is reassuring though, and a surprise. He'll just have to use it to actually talk. And then be silent for a year because this is going against how he told himself to behave growing up.

"None of us saw what was really happening to Seifer," he says quietly, eyes flicking to Rinoa briefly. "I didn't help him either. That's why I--" Everything he's been doing since he found out, maybe part of it is making amends but mostly... "We can't change what we did so... I'm trying. I want to do things right this time. There's so much we have to make up for."

His gaze drops and then lifts to Seifer, not a direct stare but it's there all the same. "Whatever happens, you're still my friend." And here's part of what he's been hiding since that bad call on the network, that he's been 'trying out' the people who answered the call to help. "I remembered when we first started practicing the gunblade. We were supposed to repeat the same moves together but you were making up your own." It might be odd to Seifer, considering he said he remembered nothing about their early days in Garden. He's looked away again. "We didn't always face off against each other." Maybe they could have been friends if things were different but that's neither here nor there.

"We're not getting between anyone. Nothing's going on with me and Rinoa." Or so he thinks? "She's mad at me because I exposed you like that." He ducks his head. "That was... stupid. I thought you wouldn't agree even if I asked. I didn't want you to be sick anymore so I--" He shakes his head, looking up again finally. This time the apology sounding more genuine at least. "I'm sorry."

SORRY FOR THE WAIT DOODLES

[etherealsage]

Rinoa looks between the two of them and admittedly tenses just a hair when Squall makes mention of Seifer's execution announcement. Even though Seifer is very much alive and well, there were nights after that announcement that she simply couldn't sleep. Nights where she had held herself responsible for what had happened. Because he had come to Timber for her. He had wanted to help her. How was she supposed to feel otherwise? And then to see him in Deling City at Edea's side when she was so certain he was simply gone. It had been a lot to take and considering they were all... well... kids... It's a little unfair to make unrealistic expectations out of any of them. The city is the first time they've really had the opportunity to even begin parsing any of this out.

For Rinoa, it's a welcome change. But it's also very overwhelming. In the midst of all of that, even though she doesn't choose to clarify Squall's statement, she doesn't deny it either. In fact, she simply nods along. Oh, yes. She talked about her feelings, all right. Maybe it was the only way she could grieve. Maybe that was her way of trying to force herself to move on. Thinking one thing, coming only to find that things were completely different than what she'd braced herself for.

She's thankful when Squall changes the subject and she offers him an apologetic glance. She should theoretically be the one stepping up and making something happen. She owes it to both of them and she knows that. Rinoa has almost always been the one pushing things forward and making sure things happen. Not necessarily in the way she wants them to (though as often as she can to that outcome), but as long as something happens, that's kept her relatively onward and going. How should this situation be any different?

"I don't think Seifer and I questioned your intention behind what you did," she begins, glancing toward the blond in question to gauge his reaction. He's free to correct her, but she'd like to think she knows him relatively well to make an educated conjecture like that. "I think it was the method that got to me. I tried explaining this to Nida, too." Frowning, she poises a hand to her chin, trying to think of the best way to put it. "It's rough when you have information that isn't really yours to be giving. Since it involved Seifer, he had a right to decide when to 'out' himself, or if he even wanted to. You can't force anyone to get help. I mean, you're a great example of that. I pushed and pushed and pushed and it never really did any good, right? You had to make decisions for yourself to eventually get there. It's no different for Seifer."

She gestures between the three of them, "Out of us, the only ones allowed to make decisions for us are. Well. Us. So even when we have good intentions, if you're using something that isn't yours, hurt feelings are going to happen. But I recognise that what you did, you did out of a good place. I haven't really said this to you both since I arrived here, but... I'm really glad to see you two working together. I'm glad I don't feel like I have to stop things before they get out of hand. In an ideal world, there won't be a reason for you guys to have anything hostile outside of a friendly rivalry." But who knew how ideal things could possibly be. In an ideal world, Rinoa would understand her own relationships with both of them a little better.

NO WORRIES DUDE 'tis the season

[firacrux]

At the mention of his "execution" Seifer just let out a quiet scoff. Yeah, Fujin and Raijin had told him about that. At least they were smart enough to realize there's no way Seifer would have allowed that without a fight, he can't believe Squall didn't pause to question it. He did glance toward Rinoa with a raised eyebrow once it was mentioned she'd had something to say? Interesting, he'd be curious to hear how she'd reacted to the whole thing. Was that why she'd gone and latched onto Squall before Seifer could have even been presumed cold in the ground?

Tch.

Maybe he's still a little bitter about things. Which, in turn, meant that about the time Squall was struggling with his confession over utterly failing to figure out what was going on at the time he felt it was the best time to interject his own quip: "Found it so easy to perform the execution yourself?" He offered flippantly.

Yeah it was a low blow. One he might have reigned in more if he weren't so pissed off that he'd been trapped in here to deal with the world's most awkward situation, locked in a room with the guy who went and exposed him on the network without so much as talking to him first. Of course he immediately regretted being such a snappy asshole when Squall went on to call him his friend... He's bad at this. Never learned how to reign in that temper before opening his mouth to ruin everything.

He'd turned his gaze to glaring at the wall again, determined not to make eye contact during this while he was sulking as hard as he possibly could. Still, Squall caught him off guard mentioning training at Garden. "'Course we didn't," He grumbled as though it were utterly obvious. Or maybe he remembered more of early Garden than he'd been willing to let on. After all, Seifer had used less GF compared to the others, enough to lose his earliest memories even so. Perhaps that fed into some of his resentment as well. Their forgetting. Moving on. "You could'a fuckin' asked before openin' your Hyne-damned mouth." He spat. Had Squall bothered, he might have found that Seifer might have been willing to touch on the subject with someone he already knew and trusted.

No, Rinoa was right, Seifer knew why Squall was doing it. Being the proud do things his own way person that he is, however, meant that Seifer took extra exception at having choice removed from the equation. Haven't they all had enough of that in their lives? With Rinoa finally speaking up and being the voice of reason, however, he just went back to scowling at the wall, head ducked between his shoulders in a faint display of humiliation. He knows he's acting out, not helping matters with his snapping, but he can't help himself. Like a cornered animal he's going to bite. It's how he's always been.

It sounded nice, that ideal world. Sadly ideals were well out of reach for any of them.

Do I win this competition where nobody wins. (sorry hi ;; )

[silentnarration]

Hey, Squall was busy having a lot of existential crises at the time to notice a lot of things back home. Or even here. He physically flinches at Seifer's jab. Killing Seifer is something he really doesn't like to think about, fact or no. He keeps talking anyway, even though he really thinks Rinoa is better suited for it.

She talks and things make sense, even though she's told him before that she wings it just as much as he does but there's comfort in her words. Or maybe he's just biased. Either way, he's eager to sleep for a week after this if he could. He's far exceeded his speaking quota.

He runs his hand through his hair and holds it buried among the messy strands (is it longer now? It is, isn't it), listening, processing. His eyes sliding shut again.

"I know. I'm sorry." He sounds a little miserable but he's owning it at least. "I narrowed down the candidates. It's your choice if you wanna do it after this. We can talk later." He rubs at the back of his neck. What else is there to say? He's expressed what he felt already. Shared more than is natural for him. He's out of words.

"... I'll do better." For Rinoa. For Seifer. For Nida. For the friends he made here. For the friends waiting for him at home. Wherever his relationship with Rinoa and Seifer end up, he wants it done without regrets. That's all he can hope for.