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metamorphotic) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dualislogs2019-11-04 08:25 pm
metamorphotic) wrote in dualislogs2019-11-04 08:25 pm
joy beats oppression but oppression will make you pay
WHO: Nick, Hank, Squall
WHAT: Just some friendly talks!
WHERE: Rick's
WHEN: A couple weeks after the roboclone rising.
WARNINGS: Probably just Nick and Hank's respective pottymouths.
Nick has been notably absent from behind the bar at Rick's for the last two weeks, but she's back on duty tonight. Whatever's kept her from her normal routine seems to have taken a toll on her; she's slightly paler than normal, with darker circles shading beneath her usual vibrant blue yes. If anyone's asked about her up until now, they would've been told she was out sick for a while, and that's ... sort of true.
But enough about Nick - what about you? Nick greets you as you approach the bar with a smile - thin and weak, but a smile nonetheless.
"Hey - good to see you again. What can I get you?"
WHAT: Just some friendly talks!
WHERE: Rick's
WHEN: A couple weeks after the roboclone rising.
WARNINGS: Probably just Nick and Hank's respective pottymouths.
Nick has been notably absent from behind the bar at Rick's for the last two weeks, but she's back on duty tonight. Whatever's kept her from her normal routine seems to have taken a toll on her; she's slightly paler than normal, with darker circles shading beneath her usual vibrant blue yes. If anyone's asked about her up until now, they would've been told she was out sick for a while, and that's ... sort of true.
But enough about Nick - what about you? Nick greets you as you approach the bar with a smile - thin and weak, but a smile nonetheless.
"Hey - good to see you again. What can I get you?"
no subject
"Not everyone fought 'em off. There were some that got some people not in our building. Jesus fuck, those people are assholes. At least the shitty people outside are programmed to be fucks. The Heart used some creepy cultist 'face the hard real world and then realize we're your only safety' info-mongering on a bunch of fuckin' teenagers or close to it."
Then he tips his head back against the shelf. Yeah, he suspected they could be brutal. He did see people that didn't make it out that night; in fact, some of them couldn't make it out that night. There's so much information that's been hidden from him that they've been fucked.
"Let me guess. The same reason the teleporters can't jump more than two miles or ten blocks?" He remembers what Arkady said, too. But still, there's enough of something there that whatever shouldn't be is hidden.
"Was 'Travis' the guy that we remember that you didn't mention before? Would his double remember everything that he remembered? I know it's been downloading memories." Another idea bubbles up to the surface. Because they got tech people, they have high-quality duplicates that think like humans, and they've got interrogators.
no subject
Nah. No sense mentioning that. But that’s the explanation for why she didn’t have a frame of reference for Hank’s questions about the man in the Head’s memories. And speaking of that mystery man - Nick shakes her head slowly.
“I honestly don’t know who that guy you saw was, but if he was killed, then yeah, his copy should have all of his memories up to the point the original went brain-dead. But that wasn’t Travis. You saw him, that first time I brought you down here - guy with the glasses talking with Marie.”
no subject
He glances over her when she says she had hers removed, and he's guessing there's some power about herself she's kept under her sleeve. Something personal. And, honestly, it'd make sense if there was since the Heart seems inclined to pursue 'useful' people.
"So. I guess if we do a motherfuckin' test run on trying to reprogram one of the doubles, Travis would be the guy to do it to. And maybe that other guy if we can find him. He's faced the Head face to face. He'd have to know something."
Hank settles his hands on his knees before drumming them lightly. Well, that answers the question as to whether or not the Head had a psychic or something else. He's just patched into them, and eventually he'll remember the things they remember. There are a fuck of a lot of loopholes.
"Are we doubles from the moment we get here or are we us? People come in fully healed, sounds like they'd have all their powers too if it weren't for the chip."
no subject
“We’re still us when we show up here, far as anyone can tell. It’s like ... I dunno, it’s been a while since the last time I was in a science class, so I might not be sayin’ this right, but ... we’re an experiment. They want to watch us, get all their data from us. That’s why they keep us around for a year instead of killing us off right away - so they can watch us until they know enough to replace us.” Nick stretches out one long leg and sighs something that might be a laugh.
“Y’know, I’ve been here for a year. I know Marie’s doin’ this shit all wrong, but if she hadn’t brought me in, I’d be dead right now. You’d be ordering drinks from a Nickbot.”
no subject
But if they're still them when they show up, maybe there is a chance of going home. If they can get it right.
"You know... I've saved a lotta people in my time. Part of my line of work. I started doin' it to help people live better lives, whether I was helpin' one or a bunch. But I also worked with a lotta shitty cops, and I never thought we deserved loyalty or obligation because we got one right every once in a while. Look, I get that she did somethin' great for you? And you can be grateful for that? But she fucked up, and you don't get to call back on past successes after a fuck up. You can only move ahead."
He scratches the back of his head.
"Alright. I'll try to, as discreetly as possible, figure out where the doubles of Travis and that other guy are so we can get the info out of 'em. What else should we know? With the full assumption that at least one of us has had experience with some similar fashion of weird goddamn bullshit and saying shit like 'you wouldn't believe me' doesn't really fly." Hell, those comprehensive files should have told them that.
no subject
“Y’know, I used to be a real shitbag. I liked being mean to people. I got accused of bein’ a bully more than once in my life, and almost everyone who knew me knew I was a huge bitch. Hell, I don’t even know why my ex dated me for as long as she did - she was always telling me I was being racist or homophobic or somethin’ like that. I’d always thought that if people were gonna think I was a monster, I’d fuckin’ give ‘em a monster, y’know? But I tried to be better when I was with Kennedy. She tried so hard to get me to pay attention to her, and I guess it was like - maybe she saw somethin’ in me that was good? Almost nobody’d ever believed in me before, and when we were together, I didn’t feel like I needed to hurt anyone else just to feel something besides bone-deep disgust at myself.”
She sighs deeply and shakes her head. “‘Course, that all went up in smoke when she ditched me. And I went right back to bein’ the world’s biggest bitch. Then I got sucked up by the Door and dropped in the middle of nowhere. I got buried alive and fought yetis and wendigos, and then I got my head broken and put back together, and believe it or not, that actually helped to get me to pull my head outta my ass.” She chuckles quietly. She really was a shitheel back then.
“And even when I was still bein’ a huge bitch to everyone, even when I still thought I was a monster, I made some new friends. And some of ‘em showed me that just because you’re a monster, it don’t mean you gotta be a bad person, too. You don’t need to hurt people just because you’re a monster - you get to make a choice. And my choice was that I didn’t wanna hurt people anymore. I got a second chance, even though I’d fucked up a lot - my whole life up until then. Maybe I’m still fucking up, but I’m tryin’ to do better. I wanna help people - keep ‘em alive. But if all anyone saw was the mean, bitchy fuckup who liked to hurt people and didn’t figure I was worth giving another chance to do better, I wouldn’t be here with you right now.”
She pauses, taps a finger over her knee while she formulates yet more words. She doesn’t usually talk this much at a stretch.
“I’ll try talking to Marie, OK? Try to get her to quit with the cryptic shock-and-scare bullshit. I dunno if it’ll work - she’s had a lot of shit to deal with where she’s from, and that ain’t an excuse, but I know why she’s the way she is. Maybe I can convince her there’s another way, a better way to work with you and the others here.” She shrugs. “May get myself kicked out, but I guess I can still stay under the radar. Maybe find another way to help people.”
Maybe they can all come out of this trainwreck for the better. Maybe this city doesn’t need to end in fire and blood.
“Only other thing I can think of is the underground tunnels. We use ‘em to get around sometimes, but I dunno if that’s gonna be useful for anyone else. I can show you if you want, though. And I can get you the address where Travis was living, ‘cept I don’t know if he’s still there. But there might be something you can use.” He’s a detective, after all.
“I, um ... I can give you my number, too, if you want. In case things go bad and I have to disappear suddenly.” If he’d still care about what happens to her, after everything. Nick kicks her other leg out straight and crosses her ankles. “I know you got no reason to trust me, Hank, but I hope you can at least believe me when I say that I wanna help, and I wanna make sure no one else dies.”
no subject
"And I've been a pretty big asshole, too.... Not for punching the guy. That's been one of my better moments. But that's why I know you can't just keep reciting what you used to do. You gotta take the best of that and keep it."
To save one man's life, he threw away the tatters of that old glorious career. Because at the heart of it, his goal had always been to do the right thing. If his precinct was going to participate in a genocidal slaughter, he didn't want to be a part of that precinct anymore.
"She might be right that they can't be saved but she would be wrong that it's not worth fuckin' trying, you know? Right now she's bombed an event with a public figure which looks real bad to new people, and you guys could have just told us about the clones. Now you have a fuckin' manhunt after you. They're really pissed at you guys and your whole movement is in more danger than it ever was before. The truth would have been a lot safer than fuckin' showing off. It's gonna be infinitely worse than when they were denying you existed."
Tunnels, Travis's number. Right. He can work with that. Maybe there's some city schematics somewhere. He pulls his novel from the inside of his pocket, dislodges a pen from it, and offers it to her.
"Write it down. Better than it being on my phone if one of us gets caught. Figured the book I could burn if it came down to it."
no subject
She flips the book open to the back cover and places it in her lap with a soft laugh. “Y’know what this reminds me of?” She glances up at Hank, grinning. “Signing yearbooks in high school.” She drops her gaze back to the book in her lap and writes Have a nice summer! on the inside of the back cover in a sloping scrawl that’s fairly easy to read, then adds her name, phone number, and network username underneath. Just below that, she scribbles an address, placing it on the page like it could be hers, but in reality it’s the one that belonged to Travis. Message complete, she closes up the paperback and hands book and pen back to Hank.
“You’re a good guy, Hank - and I don’t usually like cops. Shitty as it is getting dumped here, I think we’re pretty lucky to have you. I don’t think we’d have a good chance of surviving all this bullshit otherwise, y’know? Out of everyone at that meeting, you were prob’ly the most reasonable - you and Connor. He seems like a good guy, too - like he knows what he’s talking about, but he doesn’t need to be an asshole about it.” She laughs quietly. “Not many people could take Mello talkin’ to ‘em like that without just knocking his teeth in. Believe me, I’ve thought about doing it a few times m’self.”
Nick leans back against the wall, hands folded in her lap. Mentioning Connor reminds her of a much earlier conversation between them, one where Hank claimed that Connor had done more good for him than his wife. She wonders if that’s still true, if Connor’s still a good influence in Hank’s life, if having him around is a help or a hindrance.
“How’s that going, anyway? Connor bein’ here, I mean. He’s the same one you knew before you ended up here?”
no subject
He takes the book back to look at it. Right. Just what he needs.
"Tell me. Can the robots get high or drunk? Caffeinated? Do they think they do or imitate it? And uh... thank you for saying that." It's obvious he doesn't hear things like that all that often. Well, not since his glory days ended. Those brief moments of appreciation are fine. And maybe it's not particularly him they need. Maybe they need one of those boisterous teens or superheroes. But it's still good to hear.
"It's good... well, was good. Until I fuckin' shot my double in the face and Connor registered it as me dying in his system. Like he knew better but it started this reaction and I just... He got so upset that he didn't have time to get more information out of it and was so fucked up by watching it happen it really got me thinking... I hate me but God, sort of got me thinkin' that maybe it'd be best to at least try to save them. To someone somewhere these copies are the face, the memories, and the blood of someone they loved.
"Bad thing is he found out about uh... some stuff... I don't know. We've not really discussed it since then. My fault." He's worried he'll handle it baldy. He already handles so much badly.
no subject
In answer to Hank’s question about the robots, Nick shakes her head. “I really don’t know. I’ve seen plenty of ‘em in various stages of drunk at the bar, but I don’t know if they’re really buzzed or just acting like it ‘cause they’re programmed to. Some of the brainy types think it’s for real, but it’s not like anyone’s cut one open or tested any of ‘em to know for sure. They’re best-guessing. But I guess ... look, I almost failed biology, so most of this shit doesn’t make any sense to me. But if these copies are supposed to replace us, they’d want to be as realistic as possible, right? If they can clone our DNA and our blood and shit, I don’t see why they couldn’t clone everything else, too. Fit all the squishy parts and the metal together like one of those patchwork blankets, y’know?”
Does that make them people? That’s a higher-level philosophical question about the nature of existence than Nick is prepared to tackle at the moment. But in mirror opposite of Hank’s belief that the copies are people until he sees evidence otherwise, Nick has only seen evidence to the contrary - that they are machines running on programming. And until she sees otherwise - an example like Connor - her view is unlikely to change.
And when Hank begins to speak of Connor, her expression softens. Despite the upsetting content of his words, there’s a current of context running underneath that is much warmer.
“If he loves you, it makes sense that he’d be upset about seeing you - even a fake you - die.” She smiles softly. “You said he’d only been around for a few months, right? So he’s still pretty new to all this having feelings bullshit. I dunno if it was like this for you, but when I was a kid? Everything made me feel like I was on fire, like I had too much in here - “ she taps two fingers against her chest, over her heart - “and it was only a matter of time before it all exploded and burned me down into a pile of ashes.” She glances down at her jeans and brushes a speck of dust off her leg. “Still feels like that sometimes, but it’s not all the time anymore. Guess I’m finally startin’ to chill out some as I get older.”
Nick looks up at Hank again and studies him intently for a moment, and she decides it’ll probably be OK to speak her speculation aloud: “You love him too, yeah?”
no subject
As for the doubles, he's at least not going to take any foolish risks. Everyone's been friendly and personable with these things. The Heart has no history of working with any or having sympathizers (which could mean in a best case scenario that it's not been worth the risk to anyone, worst case scenario if one of them tried they were immediately disposed of or still couldn't escape their programming). But he has a lot of faith in the hackers he knows.
He'll try to find this Travis guy. He'll try to get what he can.
But he just nods, a bit morosely.
"Yeah, I do. Sucks to be him, huh? About the fuckin' worst first-relationship-run someone can ask for. I got more baggage than a fuckin' rich bitch on an international flight. I'm really lucky that he sees something there that I just don't see." But he's trying to live up to it, even if he shot his double in the head close enough to spatter blood in the poor guy's face.
no subject
Which likely didn’t do her volatile emotions any favors, with no positive guiding force to temper them. But it’s in the past and there’s nothing she can do to change it, and she’s come to more or less accept that fact over the past few years. She may not have moved on entirely, but she’s better than she used to be.
“Hank ... we’ve all got baggage. Cut yourself a little slack, huh?” She quietly chuckles at herself. “Man, I almost can’t believe I’m sayin’ this. A few years ago I would’ve said love is all pointless bullshit. You know that Smiths song, ’Unloveable’?” She quietly sings a couple of bars: “I know I’m unloveable, you don’t have to tell me ... I used to say that was my theme song, ‘cause that’s what I really thought of myself. I never had any shortage of short-term boyfriends and friends with benefits, but I never kidded myself into thinking they loved me. They just liked getting laid.”
Not until she got involved with Kennedy did Nick begin to shake herself of that especially negative aspect of her self-image. She shakes her head at her past self. “Point is, I was an idiot. I’m not unloveable, and Connor loving you isn’t bad luck for him. Out of everyone in your world and this one, he chose you - that means you’re important to him. That ain’t something to just shrug off.”
She inhales a deep breath and slowly lets it out. Talking about this kind of stuff - feelings - it’s hard for her. She spent so many years repressing almost everything she felt that wasn’t anger; she doesn’t have the practice with other feelings that most people have at this point in their lives.
“I know you didn’t ask for my advice, but I’m gonna give it to you anyway, and you can take it or leave it, up to you.” She shrugs, but secretly hopes he’ll take it. “Talk to him. Whatever bad shit came up that you haven’t talked about yet - don’t put it off. Not talking about shit is where me and my ex went wrong. Hell, not talking is where me and my ex-best friend went wrong, too. Don’t be like me, Hank.”
no subject
"Yeah, I know. I gotta be more decent with myself, at least. You're not wrong. Especially now." He actually was once a good leader. He motivated a task force. He needs that person again, or else it'll be a lot of dead kids. And they might be fucking magic or fucking superheroes but that bullshit doesn't matter. They're kids.
"Luckily he's real fuckin' cute in a goofy-ass dipshit way, so it's really easy to forget about how fucked up I am." He snorts a soft laugh to himself at that. Behind the scathing words there's more than fondness, there's admiration for someone that was able to give him faith in humanity again. A well put together mind and a heart whose sense of justice felt natural. Not just a token of the old activist age from a couple of decades before.
Heart. Thirium pump. Whatever that shit is called.
"But yeah. I know. I need to work on it. Not just for the relationship thing." Because right now a fuck of a lot of lives depend on him being able to keep his shit together.
no subject
She'll explain what that means someday, if Hank wants to know. But she's said a lot already today and there are much bigger stakes than her own history. Nick gently claps her hands against her legs and climbs to her feet, then leans over to offer Hank a hand up if he wants the help.
"I wanna hear all about Connor sometime, but right now I better get back to work. I won't be any good to anyone here if I get myself fired." She sobers for a moment, then adds: "I'm sorry I wasn't straight with you from the start, Hank. I'm not gonna keep secrets like that anymore. If there's something you wanna know, just ask, and if I know, I'll tell you. OK?"