Grace Is Gone

[skyward_eyes]

WHO: Nida Nomura, Some Closed Starters, Otherwise OTA
WHAT: Drinking with Wanda, Missing Persons Announcement, Dangerous habits
WHERE: Wanda's Room, Roof of Dorms
WHEN: August 1st - 7th
WARNINGS: Drinking, Grieving, Possible mentions of death and self-harm.


One Drink To Remember - Closed to Wanda

When he wakes up, bed mostly cold, arms empty, no noise from familiar breathing, his heart aches. This hadn't happened yet, not to someone he knew. Not so far as he knew. Because it definitely hadn't been a year. Not even close. Not even...

Within an hour he's gone to the store and come back, and is knocking on another door in the dorm. Pounding really. He's got a nice tall bottle of vodka, grief in his heart, and someone that needs to know before anyone else. Especially since he couldn't find their information on the network anymore.




Then Another To Forget - OTA

This isn't what he's supposed to do. He knows that. It's not healthy, it's not smart, and it's definitely not what he should be doing, but hey, who needs good life choices? In this case the choice manifests in the form of a young man lying on the edge of the building, a bottle of vodka near at hand, claimed every few minutes for a swig as he stares up at the sky above him.

Is this a risky place to be, especially tipsy? Hell yes. Does Nida care? No. But he does flinch when the door to the roof opens? Yes. Is that possibly bad? Yes.

"Close the door," he'll call, his voice a bit uneven. "You're letting the warm out."

Which he thinks is pretty funny, leaving him chuckling.




Network Post - Audio Only

[Definitely Nida's voice, but also very clearly slurred just enough to imply someone has been drinking. Probably more than he should. Which is any at all.]

For those who would care? Billy Kaplan and Tommy Shepherd are gone.

Filtered to Seifer

Yes, I know. You're disappointed and I shouldn't be drinking. Whatever. Can I borrow Eos for a few nights?


[OOC: Nida is going to be in a bad emotional state, and mostly walking through life a bit broken. He's cool to have custom starters for anyone, just directly message me, hit me on plurk churbooseanon or discord (Churby#4290). I can have something ready rather easily.]

Comments

[doesnotsparkle]

[ Michael's red glowy eyes widen just a bit. Well, That is certainly impressive. His mind already running the damage that must have been done for that level of scarring. It was hard to shut his professional side off at times. it was why if people noticed he sometimes called himself different things, he's Michael when he's working, he's Morbius when he's feeding. Monsters know a monsters work. ]

I... could understand that than.

[ Michael had fought a basilisk once but he didn't even think that counted. ]

Odd, Jason hadn't told me that, but I am not truly surprised. Jason is strong and pig headed, do not worry for him, I'm sure he would say the same if he were here.

[skyward_eyes]

[Jason wasn't here, but Nida understood it. Jason probably couldn't handle this. Frankly, Nida doesn't hold this against him.]

People don't like to talk about the bad in their lives. Until this last month, three people outside of my world and time knew what I'd done to my former lover.

[Michael is an addition to that number.]

[doesnotsparkle]

[ Michael would argue that Jason could handle a lot, but Jason shares a room with a vampire with multiple counts of involuntary manslaughter on his record, Jason was fine. ]

That just means you haven't found the right deep connection, Nida. A true friend will help share the pain. I used to think otherwise, but the two men I would call my best friends both always helped shoulder the burdens of my constant suffering, and I theirs. Friendship is a not always what it appears, some people just want to be entertained, other's truly care how you feel. Maybe, you should talk more with your friends?

[skyward_eyes]

[Good thing Nida doesn't know about the whole room sharing thing, or he might be more self-conscious of speaking, even drunk as he is. As for the 'right deep connection'... well, that had just been ripped from him.]

Seifer's doing his best, but he's doing it alone. That's... it's hard on him. He's been through real bad things.

[Which of course is Nida implying that he hasn't, which is wrong in some ways.]

Billy was that. True friend. And he's gone. Like everyone.

[doesnotsparkle]

[ Michael was a secretive man, so it probably wouldn't come up until Nida finds out through Jason or luck. He never liked letting people know where he sleeps, when he does rarely sleep anyway. ]

I do not know him, but I will take your word for it, just remember it is a two way street. A connection like that you must shelter his burden as well. I speak as if you don't know these things, I do apologize for sounding like a broken record.

[ He closed an eye and chuckled. ]

A record plays music and spins in a circle it has grooves that play the music if it get stuck it keeps repeating the same notes.

[ Other worlds man. ]

Well, have a drink for Billy, and I would say simply hope he's happier wherever he is now.

[skyward_eyes]

[Seifer needed him, and Nida would be there. Soon. Maybe. If he could get out of this funk. But then he's left chuckling because wow, Morbius.]

We had records, old man. They were even still in use when I was a kid. It's this whole 'Internet' thing that we didn't have. Well, we had Intranets. All internalized systems, fiber optics and all that stuff.

[Wi-Fi? A miracle in his books. Same with phones.]

Of course he's happier. He's back with his fiance.

[doesnotsparkle]

Excuse me, young one.

[ He wasn't even offended, the words well humored. ]

The internet is a thing of beauty, though is it not?

As for him, if he is happier maybe what you need is the cliche old saying my mother favored telling people when I was a boy. If you love something, let it go, if it comes back it was mean to be. If not, it was never meant to be.

[ Granted he doubted his famous dead beat dad really compared to Nida's lost love. ]

[skyward_eyes]

[He'd have been nicer about the whole explanation if he wasn't, even now, still worked up. Love, a many splendored thing. And so powerful at tearing people apart.]

The Internet is strange. And that saying of yours probably works out a lot better when you live in the same world as the person and the separation was, by either party's choice, willing.

[doesnotsparkle]

Probably, but alas, we can't do much about our fate but to keep a candle lit for the lost.

[ He gave a slight shrug at that. ]

You know, though I do understand. Not in exact details, but my fiance is back home. Though we have some bad blood, she was my complete world. I would do anything to get back to her.

[ Despite how horribly toxic they are to and around each other. ]

[skyward_eyes]

And when your year is up, you go back to her.

[See, that's the difference. Not that he's doubting the pain this causes you, Michael. But you get to go home to the person you love.]

I go back to the place that was the source of all of my suffering and fall back into it like a good little soldier. If I'm actually alive.

[doesnotsparkle]

If only there were a way to send you to another world.

[ Michael nodded, realizing he wouldn't be able to say much so instead he motioned to the bottle. ]

Have another drink, friend, I will see to it you get back to your room if you go to far in.

[skyward_eyes]

[Considerate guy. Only one not trying to tell him to stop. He does take a swig and considers.]

Problem. I might not be alive outside of places like these?

[doesnotsparkle]

[ He liked to think being a doctor as much as a scientist that if Nida went to far he could help him out before anything bad happened. Plus he was a ball of bad life choices rolled together. ]

Don't think about it. Just live for the here and now, if that makes sense. You cant chance if your dead anymore than I can change what I am. Somethings you can dread but never change. Best to ignore them and press on.

[skyward_eyes]

[Who wasn't a ball of bad life choices? Okay, so a lot of people didn't have that. But he is okay with that. Because people deserve so much.]

What am I pressing on for?

[It seems a fair question, and he knows the answer. Seifer. Jason. His circle is so small now.]

[doesnotsparkle]

For those who care about you here, those who would be sad without you.

If you don't have the strength for you, try to for them. Its the only thing that keeps me going some days, Nida. It's probably unbecoming of a man of my age, but trust me when I say I know what it feels like to want to give up, but I also have to think of those who would be hurt.

I can only speak for me, I've hurt enough people, I do not wish to hurt the few who care about my well being.

[ Those few who'd smack him if they knew the letter he forever carried in his pockets. ]

[skyward_eyes]

[Well, Nida definitely gets that point. And he knows his brothers, or one of them, would belabor the point.]

You're right. And I don't like you being right about this. I want to be told it's okay to hurt about this. To miss the people I've loved and lost.

[Of course Michael isn't telling him that he should stop hurting. But alcohol and brains, it's bad. And Nida's far enough gone that two different points have a hard time existing together.]

[doesnotsparkle]

[ Michael stays quiet a long moment. This was one of those nights where he almost regrets quitting smoking awhile back. Taking a breath he let it out and looked back to Nida and shrugged his shoulders. ]

I never said you couldn't, pain is part of life, as is missing those we lose, all I am saying is don't let this clip your wings.

[skyward_eyes]

My wings were clipped long before coming here.

[This was just picking the pinions out of them all over again. He sighs and yeah, the bottle is definitely going to get another long swig from him.]

I'm trying. I want to be trying. But wanna be able to grieve first. People act like it's bad.

[doesnotsparkle]

Then learn a new way to fly when you feel up to it. Not before.

[ He replied as he started picking at his nails, not that he could do much with them. ]

It's not a bad thing, we are just wired to want people to feel better. I will not begrudge you your grief, I simply do not think you should be alone right now.

[skyward_eyes]

[Are they wired like that? Does that mean he's programmed wrong?]

You're good. Because I gotta be not okay first. Way the body works. Not okay first, and then okay. I think.

[doesnotsparkle]

And, that is perfectly fine.

[ He simply offered a slightly sympathetic look but didn't say anything else for now, simply letting Nida do as he needs. ]

[skyward_eyes]

[Nida smiles. This place is interesting, the people here interesting. And Michael is definitely climbing the ranks to drunk-Nida's favorite person.]

You're a good guy. Very good guy.

[Yes he's repeating himself, but that's what it is. He shifts closer to Michael so he can lean against the guy. It's more comforting than he'd ever admit.]

Sometimes monsters are the best heroes I think.

[doesnotsparkle]

Sometimes, I suppose.

[ He stays still and lets Nida rest against him. ]

You'll find most of us monsters just want to live.

[skyward_eyes]

Yeah, I do find that. Just hope you don't want to live at the cost of an entire species.

[Because that he can't stand for. But he can close his eyes and relax a little. Apparently Michael has been marked as safe territory by the drunk SeeD.]

fade?

[doesnotsparkle]

I never would.

[ He spoke quietly, just to let the drunken SeeD rest. ]