Grace Is Gone

[skyward_eyes]

WHO: Nida Nomura, Some Closed Starters, Otherwise OTA
WHAT: Drinking with Wanda, Missing Persons Announcement, Dangerous habits
WHERE: Wanda's Room, Roof of Dorms
WHEN: August 1st - 7th
WARNINGS: Drinking, Grieving, Possible mentions of death and self-harm.


One Drink To Remember - Closed to Wanda

When he wakes up, bed mostly cold, arms empty, no noise from familiar breathing, his heart aches. This hadn't happened yet, not to someone he knew. Not so far as he knew. Because it definitely hadn't been a year. Not even close. Not even...

Within an hour he's gone to the store and come back, and is knocking on another door in the dorm. Pounding really. He's got a nice tall bottle of vodka, grief in his heart, and someone that needs to know before anyone else. Especially since he couldn't find their information on the network anymore.




Then Another To Forget - OTA

This isn't what he's supposed to do. He knows that. It's not healthy, it's not smart, and it's definitely not what he should be doing, but hey, who needs good life choices? In this case the choice manifests in the form of a young man lying on the edge of the building, a bottle of vodka near at hand, claimed every few minutes for a swig as he stares up at the sky above him.

Is this a risky place to be, especially tipsy? Hell yes. Does Nida care? No. But he does flinch when the door to the roof opens? Yes. Is that possibly bad? Yes.

"Close the door," he'll call, his voice a bit uneven. "You're letting the warm out."

Which he thinks is pretty funny, leaving him chuckling.




Network Post - Audio Only

[Definitely Nida's voice, but also very clearly slurred just enough to imply someone has been drinking. Probably more than he should. Which is any at all.]

For those who would care? Billy Kaplan and Tommy Shepherd are gone.

Filtered to Seifer

Yes, I know. You're disappointed and I shouldn't be drinking. Whatever. Can I borrow Eos for a few nights?


[OOC: Nida is going to be in a bad emotional state, and mostly walking through life a bit broken. He's cool to have custom starters for anyone, just directly message me, hit me on plurk churbooseanon or discord (Churby#4290). I can have something ready rather easily.]

Comments

[skyward_eyes]

[They're all he has, Cloud. And they're so caught up in Cloud and his stupid sword that Nida doesn't get to have them around as much.]

They're... they're my family and they spend all their time with you. And yet you look at me like I'm trash or something. Act so high and mighty and like you're better than us, but you go begging to Seifer anyway. What the hell is with that?

[bravers]

You know why. We've got an arrangement. He's helping me, I'm helping him.

[Which... is still true. But the memory share made him view the larger blonde more favourably than that.

But regardless, this is pathetic. He keeps his eyes on him, in the same manner he'd keep an eye on any drunk he may have encountered in the slums of Midgar. And it's for good reason. As Nida's tone turns more aggressive- more emotive- his own gaze turns cold.]

Think what you want of me. I'm not hanging around for you, anyway.

[And yeah. That message is sent.]

[skyward_eyes]

No. Because you don’t care about people, right? You use them. Mercenary. Just like us. At least we try to be people. Not robots.

[Because that was Cloud. The bad parts of SeeD except not even loyal to the people around him.]

[bravers]

[The accusation is met with nothing but a shrug.

Part of him... yeah. A little part of him's pissed at that. But it doesn't show. He simply raises his bare shoulders and allows them to fall, not taking his eyes off him. His eyes, of course, glow. But they're also glacial.]

Wrong. But it doesn't matter. Like I said, I don't give a damn what you think.

[skyward_eyes]

Then go the fuck away.

[This is his place and his booze and his grief and he doesn’t have to share any of that with someone who doesn’t care and takes away good things.]

[bravers]

Nope. It's not your roof.

[No, in short. A message is then fired off to Seifer. Squall's probably busy. So. The least he can do is stay until someone's available to drag him down.

So. All that's left to do is wait.]

[skyward_eyes]

[Nida narrows his eyes at Cloud. How to...]

That’s all you ever do, isn’t it? Stand there and watch. Like when you let that guy that was hauling your pathetic ass around. The strong one with the sword. You just let him go off on his own. Too useless to even help him avoid danger.

[bravers]

[What the hell was he talking about now?]

You're not even making sense. If you're going to get pissed at me, keep it about your 'family', and how them talking to other people upsets you.

[Apparently. And yeah, it was pathetic. But even that's more viable than what, to him, is nonsense.]

I don't know what the hell you're even going on about.

[skyward_eyes]

Maybe they shouldn’t get attached to someone who won’t be around past when he gets his stupid, impossible asshole sword.

[Cloud has clearly fucked up transactional relationships. Clearly.]

And how pathetic is that, hiding from your own memories. Bet it ends there because the guy abandoned your pathetic ass.

[bravers]

You don't understand anything. And still, you're running your mouth.

[Riiight. Honestly, he's about done. He's done his part. Where are the others, anyway? What Nida says next makes him tense, makes something in his head want to lash out. Makes him want to tell him he's more wrong than ever.

...And he half wants to toss him over the edge of the building. But why?

Aggression rises, in a wave.]

Whatever you think you saw, you're full of it.

You want to talk about memories? You call both of those guys your brothers, but you weren't there for either of them when they needed you. Where the hell were you when Squall was in that jail? When he was being tortured? And where were you when Seifer went to help the others?

At least that idiot of an instructor tried. Even if she was more interested in helping Squall, she pretended she gave a shit about Seifer. You couldn't even do that.

[That wasn't enough. So he nears, his eyes flashing.]

And where the hell were you when he died? Before that, when something could've been done? You're Garden. You. You call people like Seifer and Squall your family, but it's bullshit. You cling to them because it makes YOU feel better about your own pathetic life. But when they need you, where are you?!

[Too much of Seifer's memories, he's sure.
...Way too much.]

You get pissed when anyone else comes close. Because you know what you are. And you're so scared, so needy, so pathetic- because you know that given anything other than what they got in their lives, they wouldn't give scum like you the time of day.

[skyward_eyes]

[Oh, he’s never claim Squall as his brother. The man is his boss. Someone to be obeyed. Someone who wasn’t open and didn’t need people. At least not people like Nida. But he can’t help the flare of anger at the questions.]

You know nothing, Cloud. Where was I when Squall and his team tried to save my home? Locked in my damn dorm room because I wasn’t ALLOWED to be involved. Because I demanded to get to go. Because Cid always favored them because they were his children. I wasn’t there because of stable fucking Timeloops. Because my parents were murdered in front of my eyes but only after they were at Garden. So I wasn’t important enough to be one of them.

Where was I when Seifer died? At my fucking post, trying to keep two Garden’s from crashing, from too many Galbadian soldiers get across so I could protect the cadets and underclassmen in the only way that Squall would let me.

[He sounds so angry, so bitter, so broken.]

And you’re right. They never would give me the time of day and they never have given me the time of day. Seifer only did because he was alone. Squall only does because he pities me and because as his subordinate he is responsible for me. And that is all I have in the world

[A brother that should hate him, a brother that accepted him only because who else had Seifer had, and a boss who is emotionally distant and yet only puts up with Nida because of how exceedingly pathetic he is. But Garden needs its tools. It always has. And he was always such a good one.

He turns his back on the blonde and crosses back to where his bottle is. Flops down to sit beside it and takes a long pull from it.]

That’s the worst part about you, Cloud. That you’re right.

[bravers]

I don't give a shit about your home. I don't care that that stupid old man cared about others more than you. I don't give a damn about you being 'locked in your room' and not allowed to go.

[He answers defiantly, coldly. And he shakes his head.]

I don't care about you. Do what you want up here. I'm out.

[skyward_eyes]

You asked. I answered. And all i wanted was to be left alone.

[He doesn’t seem moved one way or another at Cloud’s announcement. Why should he be.]

Question is, Cloud, if I’m hiding from my truths in this bottle... what are you hiding from yours with?

[bravers]

[Normally, drunks were... just drunks. Normally, judgement of them was the judgement of their condition more than themselves, but the more and more Nida talks, the more he's closed off.

The anger of Seifer's memories, the fear in Squall's, they'd ran unfettered in his head, culminating in a wave of anger. Rightful anger. But it's come, it's gone.

Now? It's his own feeling. Apathy.

And the more Nida talks, the statement of not assisting with Timber because he was locked in his room pathetic compared to Seifer breaking out from Garden himself to try and do something, anything. Likewise, the statement of being at a post when Squall was being tortured? That's just as pathetic.

For someone that throws around the words brothers and family, it's terrible. He's not been there for either of them, and he talks about his people?

A voice speaks. It's private, personal. And-

He's disgusting.
Like those kids, back in Nibelheim. He'll throw around excuses to make himself feel better. Words to make himself more attached. But he'll never back it up. You shouldn't get involved.

Yeah. That's... right. He shouldn't get involved.

Nida's question (about questions and truths? Where the hell did that come from?) gets no answer, save for the swing of the service elevator door.

He's out.]