dualislogs | Grace Is Gone

WHO: Nida Nomura, Some Closed Starters, Otherwise OTA
WHAT: Drinking with Wanda, Missing Persons Announcement, Dangerous habits
WHERE: Wanda's Room, Roof of Dorms
WHEN: August 1st - 7th
WARNINGS: Drinking, Grieving, Possible mentions of death and self-harm.

One Drink To Remember - Closed to Wanda

When he wakes up, bed mostly cold, arms empty, no noise from familiar breathing, his heart aches. This hadn't happened yet, not to someone he knew. Not so far as he knew. Because it definitely hadn't been a year. Not even close. Not even...

Within an hour he's gone to the store and come back, and is knocking on another door in the dorm. Pounding really. He's got a nice tall bottle of vodka, grief in his heart, and someone that needs to know before anyone else. Especially since he couldn't find their information on the network anymore.

Then Another To Forget - OTA

This isn't what he's supposed to do. He knows that. It's not healthy, it's not smart, and it's definitely not what he should be doing, but hey, who needs good life choices? In this case the choice manifests in the form of a young man lying on the edge of the building, a bottle of vodka near at hand, claimed every few minutes for a swig as he stares up at the sky above him.

Is this a risky place to be, especially tipsy? Hell yes. Does Nida care? No. But he does flinch when the door to the roof opens? Yes. Is that possibly bad? Yes.

"Close the door," he'll call, his voice a bit uneven. "You're letting the warm out."

Which he thinks is pretty funny, leaving him chuckling.

Network Post - Audio Only

[Definitely Nida's voice, but also very clearly slurred just enough to imply someone has been drinking. Probably more than he should. Which is any at all.]

For those who would care? Billy Kaplan and Tommy Shepherd are gone.

Filtered to Seifer

Yes, I know. You're disappointed and I shouldn't be drinking. Whatever. Can I borrow Eos for a few nights?

[OOC: Nida is going to be in a bad emotional state, and mostly walking through life a bit broken. He's cool to have custom starters for anyone, just directly message me, hit me on plurk

churbooseanon or discord (Churby#4290). I can have something ready rather easily.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, he doesn't blame Squall for that. Strange how he can't even begin to blame Squall for what is up with Seifer. No. It's the inherent problem of Garden. And frankly, Nida doesn't want to get into the changes Squall made. Because maybe Squall will remember this place. Maybe he can make better changes. Maybe Nida isn't from the same version of their world.

"How do you get back on your feet when you lose everything?"

Squall is silent for a long time. The words don't come immediately.

"You build something new... I think."

"I'm not a builder, I'm a spy," Nida answers back, and he can't help the light touch of mocking amusement. But he doesn't know what else to do. Other than close his eyes and try not to cry.

"Home isn't... it's a scary place. And all I can do is keep moving I guess."

"You don't have a choice." None of them do. "You'll live. It'll be another scar."

He sucks at comforting, can you tell?

Wow, Squall is... well, atrocious at this. Exceedingly. Nida just gapes at him, trying to figure out how that is supposed to support him.

"You're... really bad at this. The comfort thing. But I guess we weren't trained for that."

Squall sours and looks out at the city instead. Look, it's the kind of pep talk that works in keeping him going. It's true they weren't trained for that and Squall even missed out on all the social interactions that would have helped with it.

"Just... keep moving. You'll find soeone who can support you like you did in that other place."

Don't try to close off like he did.

Really? Nida frowns up at his boss, because right now mentally he needs someone to defer to, and he doesn't mind it being Squall. But he is left frowning anyway.

"So he's replaceable. Rinoa must be replaceable too then."

Just... take a moment to fathom that, Squall.

Edited 2019-09-25 16:45 (UTC)

What, no!

"That's not what I meant." He grimaces, rubbing at the side of his face. "I don't mean forget. You have to keep living so you'll meet new people. Old and new friends who can back you up in tough times."

That's how it should work, he's pretty sure.

Really? Nida looks up at Squall and tilts his head curiously.

"Are we friends?"

It's a question he hasn't bothered to ask until this point. Hell, he's been causing a lot of distance between himself and Squall actually.

Squall blinks, thrown off by the question. He's been intensely aware of that distance. Nida's desire to separate himself from SeeD and naturally, Squall, seeing as he's the commander now.

He looks back at Nida with wide conflicted eyes. He doesn't know what answer Nida wants but there's only one that makes sense to Squall.

"Yes." Despite the hesitation, his voice is certain.

"Oh. That's... that's good."

Yes. Drunk Nida could accept that better than sober Nida ever could.

"Sorry. Blamed you. For Elijah. Wasn't fair. You didn't know. Couldn't know. I hid it. You did nothing wrong. But Garden, the people, they were celebrating it."

OR at least that's what Nida's paranoia had told him. What Squall would have felt in that memory.

Squall looks surprised again. Why is he apologizing? He reaches out, stopping halfway and looking conflicted again. He has to take the time to actually think.

"... To them, a traitor is dead." He closes his hand and lowers it. "They don't know." It's isolating when everyone at Garden suddenly decides you're the best or did something remarkable. That part he understands. Kind of.

He looks ahead again. "I don't need your apology. Keep moving with me, and Seifer, and Rinoa. I don't know where it'll lead but we'll get there."

"Doesn't matter that it's fair. It still... hurts."

This place hurts. Everything hurts. But moving on? Nida wants to laugh. Perhaps not with moving on in the way they think. But yeah, he doesn't have much of a chance to do anything but go home now.

"I'll try. Thanks, Boss."

There's no way Squall can know the word is a term of affection for Nida.

"Yeah..." He can't argue that. He can't imagine it and he really doesn't want to. The thanks just gets silent acknowledgement. He continues to sit there, not moving yet.

"Don't drink so much tomorrow," he adds finally, eyeing Nida.

"I'll try. I make no guarantees. Unless that's an order."

Don't order him, Squall. He can't handle that right at this minute. He can't be SeeD Nomura. That man isn't strong enough for this.

That's a real sticking point for Nida, isn't it?

"It's not an order."

All he can do is specify when Nida asks, and mind his phrasing.

"You stink."

Or not.

"Yeah. That seems about right," Nida agrees, closing his eyes and offering out his bottle. Please take it away for right now. Not that he doesn't have others. "I will take that as an order to shower. Help me downstairs."

Squall is actually surprised it worked. He takes the bottle wordlessly, setting it down on the far side before he gets up to offer a hand to Nida.

It's strange. It feels like something connected between them, some of the tension easing. But for now, he'll focus on helping Nida through this. In what little way he can.

Grace Is Gone

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject