dualislogs | Midnight, not a sound from the pavement

Midnight, not a sound from the pavement

WHO: All residents of Dualis + special guest stars
WHAT: Strap in, kiddos, it’s a ~memshare~
WHERE: In your head. Or, you know. Everywhere you go to escape that.
WHEN: August 15-24
WARNINGS: Don’t forget these if they’re applicable!

It’s been a few months, Dualis, how are you settling in? New arrivals, we know it’s sudden, but we hope you’re making new friends already and settling in well! You’re all gonna fit in juuuust fine around here.

Things have calmed down after the supposed terrorist attacks during the Dualis Days celebration, and there’s still no news about that strange network broadcast. But maybe that’s for the best, right? See, the Head really does have everything under control.

But speaking of heads…

Over the course of these next few days, yours might be feeling a little funny. Maybe you just aren’t quite feeling like yourself. Or there’s an ache that just won’t quite go away. Or maybe you’re perfectly fine! Which is completely optimal, honestly.

Except--that memory you suddenly have. Is that really yours? And what about those fainting spells that seem to come with premonitions...or are you perhaps remembering something you repressed long ago? You’d probably remember something like this, though, wouldn’t you?

It’s perfectly natural to be concerned. However, if you approach your friendly neighborhood MedBot or clinician, they’re going to be pretty stumped. It appears there's nothing really wrong with you, but hey, here's some mild painkillers if you want them. And if you try and consult the Head, all it’ll be able to do is give you it’s most sincere condolences. It seems that there may have been some complications with the transfer process, but these should definitely wear off soon! In the meantime, why not visit your local clinic for a sedative and some painkillers?

Good luck, denizens. Looks like you’re in for a bumpy week or two...

[[As a reminder, these memory shares can happen at any point in time during the span of the event, not just when your characters are sleeping! You're also welcome to have them experience no side effects at all, all the way up to fainting spells and headaches a la Cordelia circa season 2 of Angel. Feel free to reach out to your friendly neighborhood mods if you have any questions!]]

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Yeah, those things Nida had noticed too. And it just made him nervous, and uncomfortable. He sighs and shakes his head.

"I can say, at the very least, that by the point I'm from, Rinoa's still alive and safe."

Hyne, he hasn't even considered that possibility. He flinches at the thought before slowly nodding.

"Maybe I saw another timeline. A different version of our world." It made about as much sense as everything else. He tries to focus on the game again, taking his time to decide and place a card before speaking again. "... I saw your memories too. You had to..."

He can't bring himself to say it. He wouldn't have been able to raise his blade against Rinoa. The fact that Nida managed to go through with it...

Maybe there is another version of their world where Squall failed and Rinoa was evil because of Ultimecia. That made sense, right? Right. Better than thinking about the horror of another war. Nida is so Hyne damned done with war.

He studies the card carefully, considering his hand when Squall speaks again. The way he trails off really doesn’t tell Nida anything, but he knows his own history. And how SeeDs not trained in his specialty might react to things.

“Wear something weird? Seduce a disgusting old General? Climb a building in the middle of Esthar?”

All weird things he had done that might give someone like Squall pause.

Then again... there was what people saw in the last place.

“Watch my parents’ execution?”

Edited 2019-09-03 16:08 (UTC)

He blinks and looks increasingly bothered as Nida starts to list things. His parents's execution? What the hell...

"No." His frown is leaving deep grooves between his brows now. He shakes his head. He's not going to ask about those. Not now. "The mission with Elijah... And what happened after. In your room."

This is what he gets for hesitating. Make things more awkward than it already is.

Oh. Exactly the reasons he wasn’t telling Squall about the future. Nida looks sick, and he’s almost shaking as he pushes to his feet.

“How much of my room after Kadowaki released me?”

He already knows the answer. Remembers the moment. And if Squall is up on the signs of mental distress in teammates, the warning signs of an approaching panic attack are there.

He's not trained to recognize PTSD or even know what to do with trauma. All he can tell is Nida is understandably upset and his response is enough to infer from that he went through with the act.

"... enough," he says, carefully setting his cards down on the bed. Game forgotten. "Did you survive?" Hyne, he hopes so. But is that really the best outcome for Nida?

"I don't know is the thing," Nida admits as he looks back to Squall. Then he's reaching for his arms, pushing up not only his shirt sleeves, but his mess of bracelets. Things worn entirely to cover his wrists.

The skin there shows unquestionable scars, but they look old. Older than they SHOULD be.

"I woke up in the village in the fountain, healed. And decided to just drown unless Hyne stepped in. And I was saved by Boss. I mean... Iron Bull. A friend and former lover of mine from the place."

There's a long silence as he looks at the scars. It's not the kind of topic that's talked about. Not like this. They're soldiers. They die in battle. Die for the mission. Not this...

"You were never sent home afterwards..." Shit. That's not the good kind of unknown.

"I sent you on that mission, didn't I? Did I know...?" Did he knowingly send Nida to kill his own boyfriend?

They die for love too, don't they, Squall? Wasn't Squall willing to die for Rinoa?

But there you are, the questions. The questions that Squall shouldn't want to know, right? Because of what it might set them into. The tracks of life, they can't escape them.

"I've never gone home since. And I don't want to. I don't want to be dead. I... Back there I won't remember, back there I will want to be dead, Squall."

There's a slightly panicked edge to his voice, and he starts pacing. Starts pacing back and forth.

"You did, but you didn't know what was going you happen. You sent us on a mission. Elijah and I work together so well. Worked together so well. We'd been sleeping together for years before that, before I even took my SeeD exam. He wasn't at Garden when we graduated, or I would have danced with him at the party. He- we... It was the best nine months of my life, Squall, at least back home. Sure, some of it sucked, but we moved from lovers to boyfriends and he made me feel so good. And the whole time the target you'd sent us to seek out? It was him."

Betrayal. Surely that was something Squall could understand. Because Seifer had seemingly betrayed him. It makes Nida sick to think about.

"I beat Boyce, his uncle. The man orchestrated it all. He was... the man I thought I loved died for him, thinking it was his own idea. And you never even knew I loved him. You NEVER would have let me go back to my room if you had. No one knew. No one knows."

He was. Still is.

He turns to watch him pace, and listens. He doesn't know what to say. He could say it's part of being SeeD. Part of the mission. One that Nida completed perfectly. If he was still the person he was before the start of the war, maybe he would have said as much.

Maybe Seifer was right. Squall has gained more than he knows, while everyone else...

"I'm sorry." He sounds frustrated, defeated. He's not Rinoa or Irvine or Selphie. He doesn't know the right words to say at the right times when they're not related to his missions.

"If there's a way to keep you from going home, to keep this mission from happening, I'll help you find it." No matter how futile.

Thing is, younger Nida won't remember. He won't know to avoid the mission. He won't know that he'd be betrayed by the man he loves. But he sighs and nods at Squall.

"You really do try and make things better. Always. You're a good person and that makes life harder. Because you're not the quiet recluse you were before. You connect to people more, and I just... wish I was capable of being a good little soldier for you."

He tried. Hyne how he tried. And it didn't work.

Squall would. If he can find a way to remember, to keep that memory. Maybe he can fight it... futile as it is with their track record.

He knits his brows, not pleased with what he's hearing. He's not good at any of those things. He's just trying to adapt and survive.

"I don't want blind obedience," he scowls. "Not thinking for ourselves got us in trouble in the first place." He looks away from Nida, staring at the far wall, realizing he should explain himself. "It's who you are. You shouldn't lose that."

If anyone could fight themselves out of the drag of linear time, it would be Squall. He's done it before. Why can't he do it again?

"You may not want it, Squall, but you need it. And it isn't blind. I always knew what I was doing when I was asked," Nida assures him. "Spies are useless when they don't think."

That being said, obedience? That's what was trained into him. So had. And perhaps manipulated there too, from Elijah.

Squall doesn't get it. Why do people put that much trust and support in him? It can't just be strength and his abilities. He was the lone wolf that shunned everybody and yet they still placed their faith in him when he was appointed commander. It's not a weight he can just overlook and ignore. Not anymore.

That's the price of leadership, isn't it?

"... you did good."

Because what else can he say? Nida was trapped in a no-win situation.

"You don't have to worry about me." If Nida wants to get out, he should. "You'll always have a place in Garden no matter what." He made the same offer to Seifer. Nida deserves this much too. It's home, after all. A shitty home but still.

Squall will get better at it, don't worry about that. But he bites his lip to keep from laughing. He did good, didn't he? He murdered the man he thought he loved. Applaud him.

"That's definitely against Garden rules."

What? It's the only snipping at Squall he can do because it would be rude to call him out for the whole 'you won't remember' thing.

Edited 2019-09-25 16:51 (UTC)

Foot, meet mouth.

Squall looks sour as he rolls his shoulders. "It's about time I change it." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I can't promise anything. All I can do is try and make it happen. Somehow."

Huh. Nida smirks. That's an interesting idea.

"I believe in you, Squall. Trust me. You'll manage whatever you want."

He talked to Seifer about this and it's been swimming in his head. Now he just has more reason to get it done.

Still... it's a huge undertaking.

His shoulders sag slightly and he leans against the head of the bed, one knee drawn up where he can fold his arms over it and hide the lower half of his face. He's tired. It's been a long few days. He just wants these memory invasions to be over. He turns his attention to their half-played card game.

"I think all of you place too much faith in me." A longer pause. "Thanks..."

It's a weight he's still learning to bear but it's comforting in a way.

"Honestly, Squall? We don't."

And that's said with absolute conviction. Even now he believed in Squall. His boss, even now. Even with SeeD Nida buried deeper than ever.

He looks at Nida again and there's a genuine quirk of a smile there before he turns and gestures to the game.

Keep playing. They'll pass the time this way, and he can kick Nida's ass for once.

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Midnight, not a sound from the pavement

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BACK!! Sorry for the delay!

Re: BACK!! Sorry for the delay!

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