dualislogs | ya gotta wanna be a battering ram

Entry tags:

ya gotta wanna be a battering ram

WHO: The entire dang city.
WHAT: Dualis Days, a week-long summer celebration.
WHERE: Central Square Park and the rest of the city.
WHEN: June 17-23.
WARNINGS: Terrorist violence, likely some blood and injuries. Please warn in individual threads!

June 17; Central Square Park.

Every year for as far back as anyone can remember, the start of summer is heralded by the week-long festival known as Dualis Days. This celebration officially kicks off at midday in the middle of Central Square Park with a commencement speech by the current mayor. This year marks Marcelina Dubanowski's third term as mayor of Dualis; she is an average-sized, middle-aged human-presenting woman with blonde hair styled in a short bob and a plastic, toothy smile that never seems to turn entirely off.

"Welcome, one and all!" she begins, with the practiced cadence of someone who is quite comfortable with public speaking. She invites all citizens, new and old, to spend the next week indulging in festivities in all districts of the city and getting to know their neighbors a little better. This is a joyous time of celebration, and the crowd responds with enthusiastic applause as the mayor finishes her speech and introduces this year's parade marshall, Peshtigo Tengfei.

Tengfei blows a whistle six times to signal the start of the parade - and this is where the celebration goes sideways.

A loud explosion tears through the air, and it's followed by panicked screams and the sharp screech of microphone feedback. A bomb has gone off at the platform where the mayor was standing, collapsing the wood and tearing it to splinters and dust. Chaos erupts in the gathered crowd, and as the people shift in all directions to get clear of any possible additional bombs, a loud siren cuts through the cacophony, calling attention to the sudden crackle of video feed present on all television screens throughout the city, including those set up in the park to broadcast the mayor's speech for those standing far from the stage. The picture is plain, a black background and bold white block letters filling the screen:

WAKE UP
WAKE UP
DON'T BELIEVE THE LIES

The final image is an anatomical graphic of a human heart, displayed for about three seconds, and then the feed goes black again.

Confused murmurs sweep through the crowd as citizens resume tending to the injured and evacuating the area until official first responders arrive.

June 17-23; aftermath around the city.

Dualis Days continues as scheduled, though Mayor Dubanowski is unable to enjoy the festival, as she is spending the week in the hospital recovering from her injuries. A team of Iterations guard her door - no visitors allowed - but the news media frequently report updates on her condition. Nothing to worry about, folks! Return to your celebrations, and don't mind the increased visible presence of the Hand as Iterations are stationed every few blocks throughout the city. It's only for your protection, after all.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

At least Seifer being a total jerk wasn't a new development. Seifer's chuckling earned another scowl but Squall didn't pursue it further.

He frowned at the explanation before resuming his task. God these buckles were stupid. He liked his belts but not like this. Eventually he would find a few sweet spots that allowed him to just remove more of the belts by dramatic loops. It gave him some time to think too. Seven months in the other place meant this one was more than capable of keeping to their promise of a whole year. More importantly though...

"Do you know how you got here from there?"

Seifer being a jerk is just par for the course. Totally normal and not indicative of his being a pod person.

"Turn around." He'll help work off the ones on his back. How had this happened anyway? Hilarious whatever it was.

"No idea. Far as I knew I was goin' somewhere else." He was a little hesitant to say where, or admit that entirely. Couldn't hurt, he wasn't going home either way.

Good, because Squall was fairly sure Seifer wasn't a pod person anymore. Seifer had a way of riling him up that should be hard to replicate. He did eye Seifer suspiciously before he turned around though. Almost all the way free now.

"... somewhere else?" Of course Squall was going to latch on to that.

In the end it was annoyance that proved his identity! Victory. No more shenanigans for the moment. Just unbuckling the disaster that is Squall's wardrobe.

"Somewhere else," He repeats more firmly, watching Squall warily. "I ain't going back." He's learned there are opportunities he can't have back home. Choices. A life of his own. Freedom from the shit they'd all been thrust into without their knowledge. He's given his pound of flesh, their world can fuck off now.

It helped that he was turned away now because that... sure was a bombshell. Squall frowned and had to wonder why he felt upset. It wasn't like they were close friends. Their entire childhood was built on this rivalry and Squall had been determined to see Seifer only as a challenge to grow stronger.

There was just no denying that the other had been a constant in his life, even if the war drove a deeper wedge into that. Things were different. Controlled or not, Seifer was used and was now a wanted man.

Of course he wouldn't want to go back.

Even though Squall would have given him a place still. After kicking his ass for all the trouble he caused of course.

"You found a good place to go?" he said eventually. A lot more sullen but not questioning Seifer's decision either.

They were rivals, constants, but not friends. Seifer anticipated no love lost between them. Some regret maybe over how things went, sure, but that's about all. Nothing left to repair for all the bridges burned.

Controlled or not he'd made some stupid decisions about things he was ill prepared to face. And now he only had fallout to look forward to.

Where would he go?

"Don't sound so glum," He chides. "Now you can ignore any jobs to go after me with a clear conscience. I won't be anywhere to be found." He's skipping the question for now, choosing instead to answer Squall's tone. "Look after Fujin and Raijin for me. None of that shit was their fault."

It's his only regret, having to leave them behind.

Were any of them really prepared for that shitshow though?

Squall turned his head at the chiding, frowning.

"I don't need your help clearing my conscience." Just a tad irate. That won't make him feel better. He turned back forward, waiting for the buckles at the back to be undone so he could finally let the entire belt-harness slip off him. It landed with a dull thud. The weight of this many belts was no joke.

His tone was quiet but determined when he turned back around and his attempt at covering up his complicated feelings manifested as more surliness. His eyes gave him away too with the way they wavered and looked to the side.

"I'll look out for them." That much he could do. Was willing to do. "They always have a place in Garden if they want it." A pause before he finally looked at Seifer again. Far more open and honest than the Squall Seifer grew up with. Beyond their fights anyway. "And so do you. I don't care what anyone else says."

Maybe they would have been had Cid bothered to better prepare them.

He shrugs. Take it or leave it, Squall, the offer's there. But he does smirk. "'Course not." Like Squall ever needed help not giving a shit. Nah, it was usually the contrary. With the last buckles taken care of he stepped back to further facilitate the rather satisfying thump of Squall's too many belts to the ground.

Surly. Yeah, that's the Squall he knows. Surly and indifferent. Much better that way. Although, there did seem to be something off. The eyes, some of the posture, didn't mesh with the usual level of confidence he carried with his indifference. Did Squall actually care? The hell?

Seifer nodded, satisfied. It's all he wants, assurance that they'll be okay. "I'm sure they'd appreciate it." Garden's the only home they ever knew as well. As for the next, he just snorts in disbelief. "Sure, make it easier to shoot me in the back or sell me off to Galbadia to smooth over relations? Fuck that." He's not volunteering as their ritual sacrifice, thanks. Squall being open is weird. Stop it. Now it's his turn to stare at Squall like he's the pod person.

Surprise! Squall leveled up in the feelings, friendship, and caring department. It's horrible and nice all at once. This was uncharted territory. What would friendship with Seifer even look or feel like? He couldn't picture it. Either way Squall suddenly had a reason to stick around this city. It'd be the last time he got to spend with his rival.

"I protect my own," he said simply. That was just how it worked! Garden was his responsibility now and Seifer would always be considered part of that-- why was Seifer staring at him?

He twitched and folded his arms, feeling awkward as he stared back with a weak scowl. "What?"

It's pretty damn weird seeing Squall actually act like he might give a shit. Stop it, Squall, it's freaking Seifer out. Squall's supposed to be the uncaring, indifferent wall. And yet here he is visibly upset, even if it's low-key, that Seifer won't be going home.

"Nice sentiment, 'cept I ain't your own." Enemies, remember? "Not like it'd matter anyway once Galbadia starts makin' enough noise on the subject." Squall could refuse to do anything, didn't stop Galbadia from trying. Or Esthar, or hell Trabia maybe. Not that he was responsible for those missiles.

He smirked a little, now that Squall's finally realized he's being given the stare. "Someone swap your brain out for a while? This isn't like you." The whole giving a shit thing.

Squall frowned deeper. Should he explain? It was clear now they both changed in certain ways. He sighed and shrugged.

"I think this was always there. I just stopped expressing it." Because caring was scary. Still was. Another deep breath. He was thinking too hard again, trying to find the words.

"The war's over. We're not enemies anymore. But I'm not going to change your mind. I think I understand why you don't want to come home. We don't know what's going to happen in the future. Maybe we'll have to stand on different sides again." He finally looked up at Seifer seriously. "I just think Garden won't feel the same without you."

It might help lessen the confusion at the very least. They've both been through a lot, and missed so much of each other's change. After Seifer left Garden their lives went on very different paths.

Seifer frowned, leaning back on a heel and folding his arms. It's a good point, he's still waiting for Squall to elaborate further. "You realize what I did, right? What I did to you?" And just like that, water under the bridge? It's too easy, way too damned easy. Nothing is allowed to be that easy surely Squall understands. Rinoa was like that too, ready and willing to forgive. It was hard, far more emotional than either of them were especially ready to handle. And yet...

And yet is it really that hard to believe Squall would be much the same? No, not really, just frustrating. No one's as angry with him as he is with himself and it's driving him up the damned wall. Finally appearing have concluded some quarrel within himself Seifer ran a hand back through his hair, gripping a fist full to help him think. "I'm tired of bein' a fucking tool, Leonhart.... and not that kind don't you fuckin' laugh." He's trying to be honest here it's hard. "Garden would just be putting me right back there. Doing someone else's dirty work."

He wasn't ready for this. He didn't leave the party expecting to wake up in this weird city where he threw a tantrum at Seifer and was now having this conversation. Deep down he knew if they ever met again that this was something they had to deal with, he just thought he'd have a bit more time to prepare.

Funny how life continued to screw with them even away from home.

That said, he didn't laugh. Seifer got a bit of an eye roll but it passed as quickly as it came.

"My dirty work. If you came back," he said with a shrug. Cid was back but it really didn't mean anything. The man meant well but he still abandoned them when they needed him most. Squall didn't want to be commander but he'll shoulder that responsibility because Garden was his home. He sighed, looking downwards with a hand on his hip.

"I know there's no going back for us in Garden." It sucked, especially now that they finally had the chance to do it right. "And I'll never forget what you did to me. It'll probably haunt me for a long time." He held Seifer's gaze steadily with just a flicker of emotions before looking away again. "But I don't hate you for it." He shrugged, folding his arms again. "I tried. I was angry that everyone kept pushing their problems on me but it made me who I am now."

Another breath. "I learned my friends are more important. We weren't... I wouldn't let you get close but you made me who I am too, Seifer."

Could they ever truly be ready for this conversation? That said, Seifer would have much rather waited for a time when they weren't standing in the middle of the street to have this talk. Although the ample escape routes were comforting, the openness and publicity wasn't. He kept his voice low, grateful it didn't appear anyone around them really gave a damn about a couple weirdos arguing in the street. Not now that Squall wasn't a hilarious belt mummy, anyway.

For some reason, life just couldn't cut them a break.

"No, still someone else's dirty work. You just take the contract, you don't start the war." Unless Squall planned on changing that. So, he wasn't wrong, it was still someone else's quarrel. Also, after all of this, there's a high probability that he'd break Cid's nose on principle. For everything that happened, everything they were put through, he felt he deserved that much.

He shook his head in agreement. There really wasn't. Even if he did come back, the student body would remember him as the leader in that attack by G-Garden, those wounds wouldn't heal so easily. Although as Squall continued he looked away, even paled like he might be feeling ill. The shame, grief, and guilt couldn't be truly disguised no matter how hard he tried to keep his features neutral. It would haunt him too. He didn't want to admit it, didn't feel it was his place to bemoan the subject as Squall was the one who suffered, but it still tore at him. The self-loathing for his crimes ran deep. Especially for that one.

"You should." He muttered quietly. Hate he'd understand. Not... whatever the hell this is. He folded his own arms over his chest, defensively. Trying to hold everything in. Between Rinoa, and now Squall, Seifer still didn't really know how to come to terms with any of this. Without their anger, without their wrath, he just felt adrift and lost.

He just snorted, and shook his head slowly. "Sure had to beat it into that thick fuckin' head of yours." But it worked, didn't it. Squall was strong. A survivor. That's the important part. In their world of uncertainty, with only themselves to rely on, you had to be strong. Ready for anything, and vicious. It was the only way.

Squall had no better place for them right now aside from the dorms he was trying and failing to get to. He didn't lower his voice on purpose either. He'd been ignored when he was yelling earlier anyway. The 'fight' earned them some looks but onlookers had wandered off already.

He shrugged and nodded to concede the point. It wasn't something he wanted to argue right now anyway. Garden's hands weren't going to be all that clean when they became key in starting or ending new wars. His eyes widened, softened, and grew concerned at how pale Seifer turned. Guilt? Seifer gloated back then, took so much pleasure from his pain. This reaction was almost unreal. This whole conversation was. He didn't know what to do with Seifer's desire to be hated. He couldn't change how he felt. Seifer was part of home. And they were both horribly misguided. He couldn't hate that. Unlike the warden that took over from Seifer after.

"Oh, was that what you were trying to do?" He huffed and ducked his head. It was his usual monotone but there was lightness underlining it. Humor? "I thought you just liked picking on me."

And that would pose the problem of limited escape routes. Unlike Nida, Seifer wasn't adept at flinging himself out windows. He'd much rather this opportune place to escape if need be. Which, with the turn the conversation was taking, the need was also ever growing. He really wasn't comfortable talking about this. At all.

Things had been complicated then. There was a lot going on that Seifer still didn't entirely understand. About the situation, about himself, about the whole Hyne-damned mess of it all. Honestly he didn't want to get in it. Had only barely begun to scratch the surface of it after the whole ordeal as it was. Now wasn't the time.

The look he shot back was harsher than he intended, a brief spark of fury and annoyance before looking away again. Once more, Squall never got it. He never understood. Because he, like everyone else, couldn't be bothered to pay attention. And here Seifer had hoped better of him. "You said you felt like you could take on the world, and you did. You're fuckin' welcome."

Asshole. Although despite his ire there was a faint twitch of a smirk at another thought. "...Even if you are fun to fuck with." Okay he does like picking on him. Just... that didn't translate to what happened at D-District.

That anger sobered him quickly. All Squall could do was frown back at him in confusion. He really didn't get it. All he knew was the side that Seifer showed him over the years. The only one in Garden who never gave up pestering him, who kept pushing and goading, who watched out for him in his own way. The one Squall could go to when things felt too difficult and he just needed to get it out with a fight. They were never friends, they never shared their thoughts, but they understood each other in a way no one else did back then.

Did he fail at seeing all the signs? Seifer's reaction. What he saw in the past. Seifer not reacting to Edea belittling him...

"She was controlling you..." He didn't know. He thought it was Seifer fulfilling his dream. Going too far overboard because that was just how Seifer was. He was always out there going after what he wanted. Squall thought if he just waited Seifer would come home and... what? Go back to normal? It was easy for Squall to forgive, he didn't really consider how it'd be for Seifer when everyone else wouldn't.

Seifer lashing any time he felt emotionally cornered wasn't unusual, now wasn't any different. Of course Squall didn't see, no one had ever seen, no one had ever understood. Which frustrated him, and made him lash more, which only confused more, in a vicious and self-fulfilling cycle. Weakness was unacceptable, weakness was death, and the only assurance against certain death was to become strong enough to stay alive. So he pushed, it helped that Squall always rose to his challenge, so he pushed ever harder to stay on top, forcing Squall to keep up with him all the way.

And it had worked. Squall had survived probably the worst war in 17 years. They all had. They may not have been friends, but they were always there for each other. Uniquely capable of reading one another and getting under the other's skin. It was a companionship of sorts. One that denied labels, but was infinitely important to them all the same.

He wasn't sure which part was worse. The words themselves, the dawning realization in Squall's tone, the resentful bile that churned in Seifer's guts at the dawning of it all marking that all this time Squall hadn't noticed. He'd been over this with Rinoa. Once explosively, once much more sedately but no less emotionally over exhaustion and a cup of tea. It didn't make it easier to swallow.

Nor could he. Because at the back of his mind there was still that nagging, clawing doubt. The uncertainty of whether or not it was even true. And if it was, the guilt over such weakness of mind that it could happen at all. While he'd come to reconcile some of it after the visions presented to him in the Iteration, that nagging remained that he didn't fully believe it was all her. Not with the delight he felt. Not with the exhilaration. How could that be fabricated?

Warring with the conflicting emotions left Seifer looking ill, positively gray, or even green, as he struggled to come up with a good counter. Words failed him. Excuses failed him. He couldn't meet Squall's gaze, wouldn't be able to tolerate the look of pity or disgust he was sure was there. Instead just backed up a few steps, ready now to flee. Look, Squall, a parade, don't those just always bring fantastic memories to the fore? "It doesn't matter," He snapped, deflecting. Anger was easier to deal with than the turmoil he felt. "There's no going back."

Not for him.

If Seifer looked, he'd just see concern, confusion, and... guilt? Seifer's reaction to his words was all the confirmation Squall really needed. Ultimecia messed with his mind. Squall didn't know how much. A lot of it still felt like Seifer. That was the insidious part.

He took a step forward with his hand half reaching out. He stopped himself before he got too far.

It mattered. This changed everything. But what the hell was he supposed to say?

"No, there's not," he agreed quietly. He almost wanted to apologize but it felt hollow even in his head so he didn't. "But we can go forward." There had to be a path forward.

"I can't go back and change anything. The past can't be changed." Another pause. "But we're here now. There's no Garden. No duty. No sorceress. We can-"

There were so many hopeful things he wanted to say that he could almost pass for Rinoa. It'd be comical in any other conversation.

And if he did look and see those emotions he'd know even less how to handle them than the pity or disgust. At least with those he could be defensive and outraged. This just left him reeling in even more confusion and uncertainty.

At the motion his eyes snapped to Squall, the scowl darkening into definite threat. Don't try to touch a cornered, snarling animal Squall. That never ends well.

At least he understood. They couldn't change anything. What was the point in even trying? Forward, hah. Seifer just huffed a "Tch" at that. Forward for Squall, yes, nowhere for Seifer. So he was running far away to another world where maybe he could try to start over. Maybe with fewer memories of what a monster he really was.

But... Squall just had to be insufferably sensible didn't he? Even so it was a surprise coming out of him. Usually he'd expect silence, not something that could almost be construed as an attempt at reassurance. Squall, king of never saying a word of what he thought, had an optimistic streak. Who knew?

Seifer deadpanned at him a while. Still clearly on edge, yet he could find no flaw or anything to lash out at him for over those words. He was right, they were far away, a thing he'd greatly come to enjoy over the last several months.

"You've changed." Rinoa's been a good influence on him.

Yeah, not approaching seemed a better plan for now. He can't believe he just justified for himself a reason to stay in this city though. A city that could very well be worse than home. But none of that history was here. He could handle it. Stay a while for Seifer's sake (provided he found a way home before that). Rinoa would understand. He just hoped she wasn't too worried.

He didn't expect Seifer's observation though and that surprised some tension out of him. He rubbed at his arm.

"I know. I was about to sound like Rinoa." Mild fond annoyance. He sighed quietly and tried to reset his thoughts. "I don't know what I can do yet, Seifer, but I want to try. You're my friend." If they weren't quite it before, they can be now. "I want to help."

Edited 2019-07-06 04:15 (UTC)

At least now he has a goal and a task to distract himself in between finding a way back? Since, at least right now, Seifer was dead set on not returning. This would be Squall's only chance. Although he was right, it was a lot easier to start to sort things without the constant threat of those familiar things over their heads. No Garden. No Galbadia. No other responsibilities getting in the way. Just time to think.

"Yeah, yeah you were," A faint smirk. It was... actually kind of nice to see that despite all the shit they've been through he thinks there might have been an overall positive change for Squall. That's reassuring, at least. Now he just has to go his own way far away so he won't ruin it by existing himself. Although he freezes at the word, brows knit in confusion once more.

Friends. Squall considered them friends? What? "What?" Wanting to help, being called friend by Rinoa wasn't that striking, but to hear it from Squall? Now he doesn't know what to say again. Evidently they both have a really odd view of what counts as a friendship.

A distraction was good because Squall would be climbing walls by the end of the week otherwise. He didn't take sitting around and waiting very well.

He looked faintly embarrassed by Seifer's agreement and awkwardly ran a hand through his hair on the side of his head, eyes flicking to the side. Despite everything, he appreciated that his friends, especially Rinoa, drew this side of him back to the surface. He may have underestimated how embarrassing it could be confessing this though.

"You heard me."

Squall just needs help learning how to make his own distractions. That's where Seifer comes in, he's the master of finding ways to entertain himself. Not always without consequence. Although, that might also be part of the fun.

At least Seifer wasn't the only one incredibly uncomfortable by this conversation. This emotional roller coaster was really throwing him off-kilter. He wasn't ready for this, not even a little. At least with Squall being weird too he felt less self conscious in the face of Squall being self conscious. Funny how things worked.

"Nah, I don't think I did. I'm gonna need you to say that again." Is it because he's being an asshole or he genuinely thinks he misheard? The world will never know.

Or maybe it's both.

Squall knows how to entertain himself. He fights T-rexaurs! And train... and play Triple Triad... He has a lot of hobbies, really.

Squall frowned, clearly asking the same question in his head too. He sighed after a moment and leveled a steady gaze at Seifer.

"We're friends, so I have your back now."

ya gotta wanna be a battering ram

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)