dualislogs | [closed] don't know, i don't know how i can move again

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[closed] don't know, i don't know how i can move again

WHO: kyoko & tidus
WHAT: tidus tells kyoko about what happened to yuna. kyoko is forced to reflect on what happened to sayaka. bonding, sparring, screaming off rooftops, the works
WHERE: idk somewhere, probably transitory
WHEN: backdated to early december
WARNINGS: discussions of death and grief inevitable. this is gonna be a log of two angry, traumatized teenagers in mourning. this space will be updated as needed
BONUS: [title & cut text source, aka mood music]

[It's been a while since they hung out. After the whole axe-throwing thing, it was pretty common for Kyoko and Tidus to just go out and find things to do out in the city, shoot the shit... You know, regular teenager stuff. As if it hasn't been forever since she's done this kind of thing. As if they weren't in a city where they'd been dragged against their wills, where they couldn't tell when they were being watched. As if they hadn't both been dead before all this happened.

It broke up her routine of scouring the city for witches. Which... She's not used to being a good thing.

But: it's been a while since they hung out. Kyoko doesn't think twice about it. She's not so self-important to think that he's always going to want to seek her out, or to expect his time. She's used to living freely, always on her own schedule, never at anyone's beck and call. That's been her life for the past couple years, ever since she gave up on trying to go to school and pretend to be normal. And besides, he was busy stressing out about not being able to get in contact with his girlfriend, as he'd told her the last time they'd talked. Kyoko had thought it was best to give him the space to get that shit sorted out.

Later, she's going to reflect back on that, and realize that's precisely why she should've tried to at least touch base with him when he went radio silent himself. The last time she broke schedule, went off the map... Mami had to come track her down.

But: that's in her future. Right now, she's meeting up with him down at the dorm building front doors, because they're finally going to hang out again. She stands against a wall while she waits, holding an open bag with one hand as she digs out chips with the other.]

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[Yeah. That's what she thought. It's weird enough that he hugged her -- Kyoko hasn't been physically affectionate with anyone in years, even though it used to come to her like breathing. But that look on his face? That answer?

Something's definitely gone wrong.

Maybe it's just that he and his girlfriend have broken up or something. But optimism isn't what's kept Kyoko alive all this time, so she knows better than to put her money on it.

She doesn't say anything during the walk to the spot. But as they leave the dorms, she holds the bag of chips out for him to take. He can have them. She has a couple of boxes of pocky tucked into her hoodie that she can munch on instead.

She doesn't know how safe the spot really is, but at least it's not someplace the Head "provided" for them.

She doesn't waste time.] Alright, spill.

[ Tidus doesn’t take the bag even if she insists, because what would he do with them? Eat them? He’s too restless, his pace quick and limbs agitated. Once they get to the spot, you would think that at the word, he would be ready to spill.

But he can’t. His mouth gapes and his posture shifts, fidgeting until he turns half away from her, his hands dragging up to his face, feet beginning to pace on the spot. ]

They-- [ He swallows. ] She’s--

[ He doesn’t want to say it. His throat tightens and he stills, the tension an ache along his shoulders, burning into him.

Calm, he should be calm, don’t make a scene--but Tidus spins on his heel away from Kyoko, his left hand swinging out and water accumulating to a point before he throws it like a ball with a frustrated yell, letting it smash into the mess of discarded furnishings, wood and cardboard.

It’s not enough. And he’s already marching towards where more of the junk has been dumped over time, grabbing one of the scattered glass bottles along the way left by drunkards to fling and smash it at the nearby wall close to where their leaning pallets rest, put there for target practice. ]

[This is why Kyoko didn't listen to that optimism.

She watches as Tidus starts to rage. Doesn't move to stop him. Her question is answered. The feeling she's watching is something she's familiar with, too familiar. So she knows there's no point in stopping him. It isn't that she thinks he wouldn't stop, and more that she knows it'd do more harm than good for him to keep it in.

She wishes she had her own rage, in the aftermath of... what happened. But she didn't get a chance. She'd clung to hope, knowing she was being stupid, and dragged Madoka into danger because of her delusions, and then...

She didn't get the time to be angry. And she hasn't let herself think about it, really think about it, since.

Kyoko's face is impassive, and she stands still as Tidus smashes the bottle, bag of chips momentarily ignored in her hand.]

[ Scrap paper, pushed aside for a plank found, and that's what has it next. Slammed against the concrete wall, and it's thick enough not to break on impact, bouncing out of Tidus's hands after some bashes, leaving him with splinters to the skin.

He doesn't care. He goes in with his fists next, a kick that's sharp to his toes--realising he doesn't have on the steel cap shoes he's worn for so long, not that he'd thought about it in the action. Hissing, but it doesn't stop him. What stops him is when his shoulders finally become too weak for the motions needed, emotions hazing his mind.

Maybe she's safe, people said. Maybe she is back home. And part of him wanted to hope, wanted to cling to it so bad. But with fists pressed against the wall, head bowed-- ]

She's GONE.

[ --the rage comes from deep inside his throat, and he can't believe cling onto that. A choked sob, and he finds a second wind to slam another fist to the wall, a second, a third.

He was meant to protect her. They finally kept her safe.

And he had let her slip away... he hadn't done enough. ]

[Kyoko wants to ask how he found out, but she doubts he'd be able to answer anything like that right now.

A crunching sound breaks through the atmosphere; she's started eating chips again. It probably sounds rude, and she's definitely done this to be rude before. But even in situations like this, or, maybe, more like... especially in situations like this, she gets the urge to eat something.]

The iterations? [she asks as she chews. Tidus' girl could've easily been done in by some criminal in the city. It's just as likely a possibility as anything else.

But... well. Call it a hunch. Call it paranoia or distrust, after living with somebody paying his bills by helping the Heart. (Drifter didn't say their name, but it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. The people most wanted by the Head and the government? It couldn't be anyone else.)]

[ A laugh, a bark--the sound he makes is either one of the two. Tidus’s shoulders heave visibly before he turns from the wall, head hanging. He looks over at Kyoko briefly--eyes red, but a jaw clenched tight to keep any more tears from escaping--but his gaze otherwise stays low as he walks with sluggish steps. ]

The other things. [ A pause, in both action and words. He looks again. ] You know? The swaps.

[ They both knew this place wasn’t any good. How much they both knew the extent of it, Tidus wasn’t sure. ]

[Kyoko's chewing slows for a moment in her surprise.] Those robot clones? [Or whatever they are. The things that Drifter mentioned had just attacked them shortly before she got here.

That just means she has to know. Maybe he can even answer now.]

How did you find out?

Found her. Day after it told me it sent her home. [ The Head, or whatever. He doesn't care for bullshit names for a bullshit machine. ] Looked like her, sounded...like her...

[ He could have believed, easily. He didn't even think about the clones, what the Head said and showed, until-- ]

She glitched.

[ There was no other way of describing it. ]

Glitched? What do you mean, she glitched?

[Kyoko makes herself comfortable on her usual perch, a high stack of crates filled with whatever-the-hell, one leg drawn up, the other dangling. A distinctly unladylike pose, but a distinctly Kyoko one.]

Edited 2020-01-02 12:31 (UTC)

She stuttered, glitched! [ Tidus waves a hand, voice rising with agitation, sharp. ] Her voice went! It wasn't her!

[ But for all the anger, none of it's really pointed at Kyoko. He's started pacing again, until he thinks with some sense to finish getting closer to her. If anyone was to come and hear them, they already would have. But there was a reason for him wanting to meet her, and not just to have a witness to his outburst. ]

I don't want anything happening to you. [ He had no plan with those words, only the heat. A heat that dies as he looks aside, the knot of his brow pushing up. ] I thought...we'd have more time than this. It wasn't even a month!

[I don't want anything happening to you. The conviction there, even though, in reality, they barely know each other... It makes Kyoko look away, before she even realizes she's doing it. When was the last time someone said something like that to her? It must have been Mami.

Kyoko's throat closes up. It doesn't have to do with feeling Tidus' grief. That has to make her a bad friend to have. Then again, is that really surprising? Has she changed enough since going back to Mitakihara for that to be different?

It's not something she'd have cared about before. That much is true. Being a friend... would require having friends. And Kyoko hasn't wanted friends in...

She shouldn't be thinking about that right now. Her problems don't have any place here.]

I can take care of myself. [A matter-of-fact response to Tidus' impassioned outburst. Kyoko crumples up the empty chip bag and tosses it on the ground.] What did you do? With the copy. Did you run away?

[ Can she take care of herself? He doesn’t think about it, the following question applying a shame Tidus isn’t sure is right to put on himself. Of course he ran. He’s weak. What else was he supposed to do? It’s her and not her, and Tidus can’t answer Kyoko with anything but silence to begin with.

She’s Yuna. I love her. But it’s not Yuna. But it’s not that easy. ]

She looks like her. [ He finally says--quietly, bitterly. He can’t even bring himself to say it, when he should know better. ] I’m not gonna...just do that to her.

[ Destroy her--even a fake. ]

But that means she's out there, not knowing why you left her, right? [There's no admonishment in Kyoko's tone; it's still neutral, colored by a higher note of curiousity and realization, like she's just figuring that out herself.

Kyoko fishes the pocky out of her hoodie and works to catch the edge of the cardboard seal with her fingernail. As she does, she finally processes the shame in his voice. She peels the seal open, pries apart the foil bag, then turns the box towards Tidus, offering for him to take a stick.]

I woulda run, too. [If she had been faced by a copy of Mami or Sayaka, or even her father.]

[ Kyoko just eats. It’s normal. Tidus hasn’t thought about it as she’s continued chewing away all this time, more in tune with himself than the world around him. Doesn’t think about it the box is pointed his way, and he realises what it is.

This time, Tidus takes one. Doesn’t know why. The tension in him persist, more solidified, simmered, the biggest threat in him the raw feeling in his throat that wants to climb up, lead into tears.

He breaks the chocolate stick half, staring at the two pieces. Breathes to push the sensation down. ]

I saw her again. [ He takes a bite. Chews on it, allows himself the time to speak. ] Told her… there’s no point being with a dead guy.

[ It hadn’t been enough. It wasn’t a new revelation. In the end, he had just run again--run and left her. He’s good at that. ]

[Well... Kyoko doesn't know if she expected that or not. She finds herself nodding in approval.]

Better than nothing. [She digs out her own pocky and sticks it in the corner of her mouth like an adult might a cigarette to keep talking around it.] I don't know if there's a good or right way to handle this. But at least you don't have to worry about her trying to chase you down to get answers or somethin'.

[But she likes it more than just for the practicality of it. She likes that he went back to give the clone closure. That girl might not be the real thing -- and who knows if she even has real feelings -- but it's what it says about Tidus himself that matters to Kyoko. It adds a warmth to her tone that she's not aware of.]

Dunno. She's stubbor...

[ But Tidus can't finish, the moment he realises what he's doing, the hint of fondness that even escaped--conflating a copy for the real thing, the differences becoming jumbled when they shouldn't. He shifts on his feet, exhaling, long and drawn out.

Turning his head, wiping at his eyes with the heel of a palm. His voice rattles a little, at the beginning. ]

Guy thinks we can 'deprogram' them. Stop them goin' mad if the Head tells them to. [ They tear at you, you know-- but he can't let himself think that, let alone say it. ] There's some...chip or something. In them. And us.

[There's almost an audible record scratch. It takes Kyoko a moment to recover and find her words again.]

A chip? In us? What's that supposed to mean?

[ He gives a shake of his head, but-- ]

Anyone with magic? Keeps them weak. Says they can flip us off with it too.

[ Which, when Tidus thought about it, was what drove him crazy about the clones. What they did, but what could be happening. It was an added layer of cruelty.

But not a thought for right now. Tidus looks at Kyoko, his mouth lining. ]

I trust him--he's serious 'bout figuring how to deal with this mess. [ Because he knows how crazy it must sound, how easy it would be to think someone was just fucking with him. ] If we're gonna make it out of this? We need to find out how to deal with those chips and the clones, and how to get to the bastard machine behind all this.

[Kyoko is very still for a long moment, chin down, bangs hiding her eyes. She'd noticed. She hasn't tried to push to the heights of her magic, not without grief seeds, but there have been moments when something didn't quite have as much punch as she expected -- as much as she thought she put into it.

Kyoko stomps a foot against the crates she's sitting on.] I knew that plague cure story was bullshit, [she bites out.

It's exactly like she told Tidus when they'd met -- If the Head was genuine, it would've paid them properly. But it looks like whatever the Head wants with them, it wants to control them. Or be able to turn them off if they become too much of a problem. Replace them with these... clones.

She should be dead, but she was brought back to be some pawn in some fucking game.]

[ Everyone knew, deep down. Tidus knew, for the chance he was willing to give it. Maybe it was true once. Doesn't matter now. Now the city was a nightmare, pulling them in, churning them through the gears and spitting out doubles in their place.

Tidus steps before her, while allowing her space. Kyoko doesn't need him touching for comfort, and he doesn't think she would appreciate him speaking softly, gently. But anger--Tidus knows anger, and that he has plenty of. And a hope that isn't so false. ]

It's not as in control as it thinks. [ He speaks lowly and with conviction, eyes set on her no matter if her head stays bowed, her fringe shadowing her face. The pain in his fists and tension in him a welcome misery. ] Whatever it can do? It's not doing a good job. People are figuring it out. They're working on those chips.

I'll do what I can, I don't care how small--but I need to know you're protected too. We both need to be.

[Kyoko can feel his determined gaze on her face, and for some reason it makes it too hard to look at him, so she keeps on looking away.

He's got a point about the Head being shit at this if people are putting it together. And to hear that the people who are putting it together are also working on ways to beat this brain chip bullshit... It feels a little bit like a weight off her shoulders. She's so used to having to deal with things alone. She's had a partner before, but it's not like that ever worked out. And this shit, it's so far out of her wheelhouse she doesn't even know where to start. Not even with this conversation.

So she sticks with what she knows -- what she can grasp.]

Good to know you're including yourself in that. [And he isn't selflessly focusing on her, or other people. She thinks it'd piss her off if he was.] But it's like I said. I can take care of myself. I'm not some helpless kid.

Is it bad to want to watch out for each other?

[ He gets it -- he must sound like he's looking down on her, and he doesn't want that. How well she can deal with trouble is another thing, but the last thing he wants to be is that guy. ]

It's all I want. Find out what's best against those things if they come for us, and making sure we've got the best shot we can. And, [ he continues, if with a hesitant pause, before deciding fuck it-- ] I wanna see if I can teach you magic. I've got a move - if you learn how to use it, you can stop anything for a few seconds and run.

If they know anything about us, they won't expect you to pull it off.

[ It'll give her an advantage. ]

Edited 2020-01-06 01:19 (UTC)

[He --

There's another record scratch in Kyoko's brain, but this one's even louder and more disruptive than the last.

And then... She starts laughing. It doesn't fit the mood, but she can't help it. She's laughing hard enough she's clutching her sides with one arm and holding herself up on the crates with the other, box of pocky dropped in her lap.]

You... teach me... magic...

[That doesn't help explain anything, does it?]

[ Wha--

This is clearly an insult on his person and he is going to start getting defensive! ]

H-hey, I can do it! It's gonna take some work -- [ ok a lot of work but!! ] -- but it'll be worth it! We should try!

[ Kyoko PLEASE he knows he's the least qualified person to be teaching any magic, but he's trying here!! ]

[He has no idea. He has absolutely no idea, and Kyoko can't even begin to explain it to him.

At least not in words.

She hadn't planned on telling him -- It's not personal. She hadn't planned on telling anyone. And maybe this is more impulsive than it should be, but Kyoko is suddenly jumping up to her feet anyway, up on top of the crates, balancing there as she crams her pocky box into her hoodie pocket. Despite her rickety foundation, she kicks off the crates and flips over Tidus' head, landing behind him on the pavement, grinning like the cat that got the cream.]

You think you're gonna teach me somethin' about magic?

[Kyoko holds her hand out, first two fingers extended. The gem of her silver ring flashes red sparks, glows, the shimmering red light taking the shape of an egg, then solidifying, held up between those upheld fingers just long enough for Tidus to get a good look at it. A flick of her wrist, and it bursts into red light again. The light coats her arm -- She clasps her hands in front of her heart as if in prayer, and it coats both arms -- her entire torso -- She's tapping and kicking out her feet in quick dance steps, and the light wraps around her legs -- Her entire body enveloped in magic, alight and flickering like flame as she spins. All the while, her hands separate, at first just a few inches, then farther and farther, a golden shaft appearing between them, as if she's pulling it into existence from nothing.

When she stops, she's wielding a spear longer than she is tall, and the light has snapped into place as new clothing: a long red dress, edged with white ruffles, open in the front to show the red pleated skirt underneath, high black socks, tall red boots, arms covered up to her biceps in white sleeves with black cuffs. And, right at the base of her high collar, the last of the magical light flares, opening like an eye, manifesting as a red oval gemstone.

To really show off, she lets it all flutter as if in a high wind, even flaring her ponytail dramatically behind her.

Her grin really can't be described as anything other than "shit-eating" now. She gives her spear a twirl with the kind of ease that suggests it's a natural part of her body.]

I'm pretty sure it should be the other way 'round.

[ Kyoko's initial moves don't fill Tidus in. She had acted like magic was an incredulous concept at the dance, had turned down the halfhearted offer to try and teach her back then. You don't need magic to know how to jump and flip, so Tidus follows her movements without expectation, turning on his feet without a clue for what was to come.

Because even if this had been his own world - the world he'd come to think his - would he have been able to anticipate it? He stands wide-eyed, her intentions made: to show him, the shit-eating grin she wears just the icing on her raspberry-coloured cake. Full outfit. Magical stones. She even has a spear.

What the heck!?

He continues to stand dumbfounded a second longer after she speaks before finally snapping out of it -- and he jabs a solo forefinger out at her. ]

You lied!

[ He's not angry. He's offended.

And more than he just was! ]

Don't take it so personally. [Based on the playful lilt in her voice, it doesn't sound like she thinks he's actually taking it all that hard. She gives her spear another spin and then plants the end against the pavement.] Magical girls don't tell other people they're magical girls. It's better that way.

You should be flattered. Nobody else here has any clue.

Real honoured.

[ The sarcasm roles off his tongue without any weight, but you don't have to dig too deep to find the fond note in it. Still there's a justified frown worn across Tidus's mouth, but the side of it tugs as a thought brews, his gaze flickering to the mess surrounding the wall close.

Magical girl. She's got a weapon that puts him at an instant disadvantage, but does that mean he should give up now?

As if. Tidus starts to walk--lifting his chin up at her first before looking away. ]

So you're all magic now? Is being flashy part of the job?

[ But now he's eyeing the junk, without completely ignoring Kyokko. There's the axes somewhere closer to the pallets, but that's not what he wants. What he wants is...

not the same one he was bashing before, but a lengthier plank of wood amongst a few others. He tests the feel of it - horrible, the grip was going to be a problem -, and manages to catch it when he throws it spinning in the air easily.

Because there's not only one show off here. ]

Edited 2020-01-06 03:50 (UTC)

Duh. Have you never read a magical girl manga before? Do they even have those where you're from? [She lifts her spear and rests it across her shoulders, both hands casually curled around its pole. She taps the toes of one booted foot against the asphalt as she watches him walk over and picks up a new piece of wood. He weighs it, tosses it, catches it...

... and she makes a point of yawning broadly. Yeah, she's impressed. Uh-huh. Something about his attitude says that's not all he's got, but his opening moves are leaving a lot to be desired. Come on, already, she complains to herself.]

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[closed] don't know, i don't know how i can move again

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