“I learned not to expect anything a long time ago,” she murmurs. “Less disappointment that way.”
What she used to expect was the worst, ugliest sides of everyone. It’s what she saw in the earlier years of her life, an existence almost entirely devoid of kindness and affection; she was treated badly, so she expected more of the same. But the last few years have given her a different perspective. She doesn’t expect people to be awful, but she isn’t surprised if they are, either. She keeps her expectations low. It’s a realistic outlook.
She’s close to finally nodding off, but something Drifter says pulls her back the other way. When you got better options. It’s like a discordant note in an otherwise harmonious symphony, a jarring reminder of someone else’s parting words. Nick sits up, searches in the dark to lock onto his eyes with her own.
“D’you really think I’m just settling by bein’ with you?” She’s quiet - not angry, just intensely serious. Mouth pursed tightly, she shakes her head.”’Cause I’m not. ‘Mnot just using you as a - a placeholder ‘til something better comes along. This city’s got more people than I could count - I got plenty options right now. But I chose you. ”
She sits back on her heels, the pounding of her heartbeat echoing in her ears. This kind of raw honesty in speaking about her feelings is terrifying, but Nick pushes through her fear and continues, because she’s decided it’s necessary for him to hear this. What she’s confessing to isn’t just romantic - she’s not naive, and she doesn’t have some misguided schoolgirl crush. What she feels for him is much, much deeper.
“Y’know, you’ve been sittin’ here tellin’ me to love myself more, but it’s like you’re hellbent on not letting me do the same for you. Why is that?”
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What she used to expect was the worst, ugliest sides of everyone. It’s what she saw in the earlier years of her life, an existence almost entirely devoid of kindness and affection; she was treated badly, so she expected more of the same. But the last few years have given her a different perspective. She doesn’t expect people to be awful, but she isn’t surprised if they are, either. She keeps her expectations low. It’s a realistic outlook.
She’s close to finally nodding off, but something Drifter says pulls her back the other way. When you got better options. It’s like a discordant note in an otherwise harmonious symphony, a jarring reminder of someone else’s parting words. Nick sits up, searches in the dark to lock onto his eyes with her own.
“D’you really think I’m just settling by bein’ with you?” She’s quiet - not angry, just intensely serious. Mouth pursed tightly, she shakes her head.”’Cause I’m not. ‘Mnot just using you as a - a placeholder ‘til something better comes along. This city’s got more people than I could count - I got plenty options right now. But I chose you. ”
She sits back on her heels, the pounding of her heartbeat echoing in her ears. This kind of raw honesty in speaking about her feelings is terrifying, but Nick pushes through her fear and continues, because she’s decided it’s necessary for him to hear this. What she’s confessing to isn’t just romantic - she’s not naive, and she doesn’t have some misguided schoolgirl crush. What she feels for him is much, much deeper.
“Y’know, you’ve been sittin’ here tellin’ me to love myself more, but it’s like you’re hellbent on not letting me do the same for you. Why is that?”